Are you hurting like me?

I would hope not but for those who might be or have you been a little bit of hurt inside them, when they look at the world around them and just say to themselves where in the hell did it all go wrong? I ask myself that so many times. but for a little perspective I looked at those who can see. because right now I feel blind. I mean I see the forest through the trees but I can't quite trust my eyes. is this for real? did I really feel this as a child this kind of threat to my nation? is that why I understood what freedom was at a very young age? or was it because of my daddy cuz of the story is always told in the movies always watching the house John Wayne Tora Tora Tora things like that. it's like he was in a perpetual battle. if they were no bombs falling in countries. it was just falling in my home. the emotional bombs I mean. when you see a father go to what we then called shell shock We now call PTSD. and you didn't acknowledge it you just kept your mouth shut you didn't speak what happened and if the cops showed up they kept their mouth shut too. because your neighbor was a cop and it was the buddy system.
I remember the night he beat my sister with a pipe because she was 10 minutes late from coming home from her part-time job. this is during the son of Sam years in New York City Staten Island to be exact and parents worried. my dad was the only one and he worried for two. and he didn't make light of it when he beat my sister with lead pipe kicked her out of the house and I witnessed this. I was three and a half years old. he was so angry because someone took advantage of him emotionally and made him worry unnecessarily. but if there weren't creeps out there like the sun is Sam then you wouldn't have any worry you'd just be angry you certainly wouldn't beat your child your first born with lead pipe would you? well he did. all I can remember is her screaming stop Dad I'm sorry she was late over and over again and him just screaming back you better listen to me when I tell you to do something woman! if you can't listen then you don't belong in my house get out!
I really don't know why these thoughts come into my head when I think of this. it's just something I want back to and I'm sorry.
but these are moments that have stuck with me all my years since they're happening and I cannot let go. I wish I could