Drunk man molests manatee statue while eating alligator

In a shameful and shocking incident that will blight the reputation of the great men, women and children of Florida, a man from Pittsburgh managed to outdo every single one of them. Police were called to the scene in St. Pete Beach after Antony Michael Lessa had become drunk and ‘physically aggressive’ on a potent combination of alcohol and deep-fried alligator nuggets. Said nuggets were turned into an impromptu weapon as Lessa began throwing the alligator bites across the dining area, but the incident took a turn from the weird when Lessa agreed to leave, only to ‘sexually assault’ a plastic manatee statue outside the bar. If you are wondering, the manatee was wearing a very tight pink t-shirt. You weren’t wondering that, sorry.

Police eventually caught up with him outside his hotel, where he was busy once again being thrown off the premises while in possession of alligator nuggets. He was arrested, and discovered to be in possession of even more alligator nuggets. Ok, we’ve got to get ourselves some of those nuggets.

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