A GOY NAMED JEW: Tear This Building Down

2 months ago

Well the rabbi knocked up Mrs. Oglesby
Underneath a silver maple tree
Behind the synagogue
On a night he came to rue

Now I don't blame Mama for lovin' a Yid
But the lowest thing that she ever did
Was, when I was born,
She went and named me "Jew"

Now Mister O was always boozy & broke
And he owed a lotta money to a lotta folk
So he blackmailed Dad
Not to tell'em all he knew

Then Dad runnofft to Tel Aviv
And left Mama & me alone to grieve
When Mister O died
One Christmas, of the flu

So I never did get circumcised
Then Mama got religion & got baptised
And took me to church
Where I got baptised too

They christened me "Theophilus," but
Couldn't go to court 'cause it cost too much
So on the roll at school,
The teacher called out "Jew"⁸

So I dropped outta school in my early teens
But I couldn't hide those Ashkenazi genes
That crooked nose & the
Beady little eyes

I had a gentle heart & I was strappin' big
So I went into farmin' & raised a pig
That won a blue ribbon, & a
Three-hundred dollar prize

I bought me a ticket on the crypto train, &
Was able to sell it for one Hell of a gain
And disembark before the train
Ran outta steam

I took good care of Mama, sold the swine, &
Bought a first class ticket on a big airline
To travel the world and pursue
All of my dreams

In Cairo, I met a Palestinian belle,
She laughed at my jokes, we got along well
And her daddy gave me her hand
That next July

Now as we were takin' the communion wine
In an ancient church in Palestine,
I heard a godawful noise...& then
I started to cry

My love was slain right before my eyes
As white phosphorus rained down from the skies
Then everything went black and I
Thought I was dead

When I woke up, I was wearin' a gown,
Missin' a finger, & about a pound
Of flesh, and blood, &
Lying in a hospital bed

I was sound of body but troubled in mind, &
After weeks of rehab, I knew it was time
To avenge the one whose love
Had been so true

So I made myself a killin' machine, &
I got tough, & hard, & lean...
Those kikes were gonna reckon
With a goy named Jew

It was early April on K Street in D.C., &
The flowers were bloomin' on the cherry trees
When I walked into a conference room
That was fully packed

The Interfaith Coalition for Reproductive Choice
Was marryin' two lesbians named Rita & Joyce
When I raised my Kaloshnikov
To my shoulder & attacked

They were droppin' like flies as I kept goin'
When I saw a nametag that read "Rabbi Cohen"
And my own two eyes & nose
Lookin' me right back

A cowerin' little imp right outta Hell
With a Magen David on his lapel
As I looked him up and down &
Said, "Listen, Jack:

"My name's Theophilus Oglesby, &
I can forgive what you did to me
My wife & unborn child
That you never knew

"But you're still gonna have to pay a price
So let me give you a piece of advice:
Start talkin' to Jesus, 'cause you know
He died for you."

And as I detonated my final bomb
I looked at Dad & I thought of Mom,
And the pillars came crashing down
On a goy named Jew.

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