Five Nights at Freddy’s | 2023 Movies RANKED - Episode 47

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Follow along as RANKED reviews a new movie release every week of 2023, slowly compiling the best films of the year into our sacred hierarchical list.

Previous Episode 2023 RANKED List:
1. Oppenheimer
2. Killers of the Flower Moon
3. Beau Is Afraid
4. Infinity Pool
5. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
6. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem
7. Mission: Impossible — Dead Reckoning Part One
8. John Wick: Chapter 4
9. Tetris
10. Gran Turismo
11. Air
12. Creed III
13. Sound of Freedom
14. A Haunting In Venice
15. The Creator
16. The Flash
17. Fast X
18. Asteroid City
19. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
20. Shazam! Fury of the Gods
21. Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
22. M3GAN
23. missing
24. The Machine
25. Barbie
26. Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny
27. The Exorcist: Believer
28. Scream VI
29. The Super Mario Bros. Movie
30. Dumb Money
31. Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania
32. Renfield
33. The Equalizer 3
34. Blue Beetle
35. Evil Dead Rise
36. The Pope’s Exorcist
37. Magic Mike’s Last Dance
38. Transformers: Rise of the Beasts
39. Knock at the Cabin
40. Insidious: The Red Door
41. The Nun II
42. The Last Voyage of the Demeter
43. Plane
44. Haunted Mansion
45. Cocaine Bear
46. Knights of the Zodiac

Five Nights at Freddy’s is a mediocre attempt to adapt a seemingly unadaptable video game, which is about a guy working a security job at a Chuck E. Cheese-like establishment, only to realize that the seemingly friendly android mascots have a murderous will of their own.

Upside: the actualized look of Freddy’s androids is great.
Downside: nearly everything else.

Because when it comes to the story, it feels like they wrote a draft or two at the most and then decided to go straight into production. Half the runtime is about this security guy trying to solve a mystery about who kidnapped his little brother when they were kids.

Meanwhile his little sister is a telepath and can communicate with all of the androids, who as it turns out, are actually possessed by the ghosts of murdered children. At that point we simply don’t need the little brother plot when giant anthropomorphic pizza place animals are threatening to murder your little sister. Let’s focus on what’s actually interesting here.

But no, a movie that should have been self-aware of its own ridiculousness spent way too much time telling a completely unrelated story and taking itself too seriously when it should have been telling its own backstory while delivering fun scares.

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