Halloween Vampire Jokes

What do you call a vampire with no teeth? A gum-sucker.

Why did the vampire get a job at the blood bank? He always wanted to work at a place with good "liquid assets."

What did the vampire say to the bartender? "I'll have a Bloody Mary, please."

Why was the math book sad when it met the vampire? Because it had too many problems.

How does a vampire start a letter? "Tomb it may concern..."

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite!

Why did the vampire subscribe to the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation.

What did the vampire say when he picked up the phone? "I'm calling to make a bite-time appointment."

Why did the vampire become a vegetarian? Because biting necks was a pain in the neck!

What's a vampire's favorite fruit? A blood orange.

How do you kill a vampire? Go for the jugular!

What do you call a vampire that lives in the kitchen? Count Spatula.

What do you call a vampire who can sing? A vampire bat.

Why did the vampire get a job in a bakery? He kneaded the dough.

What do you call a vampire with no fashion sense? A plain-clothes vampire.

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a computer? A lot of byte!

How do vampires get around on Halloween? Blood vessels.

What's a vampire's favorite type of coffee? Decoffinated.

How did the vampire say goodbye to his victim? "Fangs for the memories!"

What do you call a vampire that's always on the internet? A "neck"-tworking vampire.