Warrnambool's first-ever neurodiverse speed-dating event finds friends across

Warrnambool's first-ever neurodiverse speed-dating event finds friends across the spectrum

Like many guys in their mid-30s, Sam Martina wants a girlfriend.

But unlike some of his peers, Mr Martina lives with autism, which can make the tricky business of dating even trickier.

Key points:

A dating initiative in south-west Victoria is helping neurodiverse people build connections

Organisers have offered a crash course in communication and small talk

An autism expert says neurodiverse people should be encouraged to be their authentic selves

"People were very convinced I didn't have autism so I think the answer would have been to tease me a bit and then say, 'Oh you'll be fine'."

Instead of shying away from potential romance, Mr Martina organised a neurodiverse speed-dating night in his home town of Warrnambool earlier this month to help others who might be on the same wavelength.

Billed as the town's first-ever neurodivergent speed-dating event, the night kicked off with a crash course on communication and small talk, with people given prompt questions to help conversations flow.

Making connections 

Social worker Kate Dancey helped facilitate the event, telling the 14 or so attendees to relax and enjoy themselves.

"[I wanted them to] to cherish this opportunity to celebrate neurodiversity, to break down barriers, and build connections based on genuine understanding and acceptance," she said.

"It's about finding a match. It's about celebrating the beautiful tapestry of the human mind and making new connections."

Among the people at the event was Nicole Put. The 37-year-old lives with an acquired brain injury from a traffic accident in her teens.

It was her first time speed dating.

"I haven't been in a relationship in a while, so I thought I might as well see what is out here and see who I can meet up with. I can't complain if I don't try."

Another hopeful on the night was 23-year-old Jack McDonald.

"Sometimes your neurodivergence can get in the way of being able to express yourself," Jack says.

"That can be a bit hard. Some people might interpret it as you being rude or not being interested."

Internet dating 'feels so numb'
For Shang Wu, the night was not only an opportunity to meet a partner, but also to make friends.
I find joy in socialising in different levels, it doesn't have to be a romantic partner. It could be a really good friend, male or female," he said.

The 32-year-old, who lives with well-managed schizophrenia, has used dating apps like Hinge, but says he finds that process anxiety inducing.

"I don't expect people to like me and therefore I don't put in much effort," he says.

Mr Wu says online dating doesn't compare to meeting people face to face.

"Online dating feels so numb — it's a daily thing you do like checking the news," he says.

"But this [speed dating] feels so real."

Risk of 'masking' neurodiversity
Vicki Gibss, head of research at Aspect Research Centre for Autism Practice, says neurodiverse people generally have smaller social circles, which can mean they don't have the same learnt dating experience as their peers.

"A lot of the time that's where we learn about the early stages of relationships and dating, we learn the social rules and the way to go about it from our peers."

Ms Gibbs says that while learning about social skills is helpful for neurodiverse people, they should not be pressured to conform, which can lead to them masking their neurodivergence.

We have to be very careful that we're not training the autism out of them, because you can't do that. You end up teaching them how to pretend," she said.

With organisers hoping that Mr Martina's speed-dating night might inspire similar initiatives in Warrnambool and beyond, attendees like Jack McDonald are upbeat about meeting the perfect match.

"I just want someone who understands what my neurodivergence is like and actually respects me, not just for being neurodivergent but for being the person that I am."