Half of Americans think of someone other than their partner during sex

Half of Americans in serious relationships admit to thinking about someone besides their partner during sex (49%), according to new research.Show more

A survey of 2,000 sexually active adults explored what goes on behind closed doors and found that 20% said their favorite part of sex is intercourse, instead favoring foreplay (30%).

Interestingly, respondents said intercourse is the least likely thing to happen in a sexual encounter (53%), surpassed by kissing (72%), foreplay (71%) and cuddling (61%).

On average, Americans spend 11 minutes kissing before sex, 18 minutes doing the deed and 15 minutes cuddling after.

However, many are left wanting more.

Conducted by OnePoll for LELO, the survey found that although the average American has sex four times a week, 61% wish their sex life was even better.

A majority of respondents who are in serious relationships share the same desire (62%).

One in seven find themselves “always” wishing that sex lasted longer.

More than half of women shared they could do with more kissing (54%), while 56% of men wish that sex, itself, lasted longer.

According to Americans, the best sex happens in the morning (30%), while smaller percentages of respondents prefer the afternoon (23%) or evening (21%).

More respondents have a preference for spontaneous sex (33%) while a quarter prefer to pre-plan for a smoother experience (24%).

When in the bedroom, 50% of sexually active Americans claim that they prioritize pleasing their partner.

Just 34% admit they’re more of a “receiver,” the partner who prioritizes their pleasure.

Men are more likely to say they’re “givers” (60%) while women are more likely to be “receivers” (39%).

Thirty percent of those in a committed relationship said their partner is more sexually needy than they are, and just 16% admit the opposite to be true.

In fact, 61% of these respondents said they sometimes have sex because their partner wants to, even if they’re not in the mood — especially men (71%), compared to 53% of women.

"Within the context of pleasure, achieving a satisfying experience requires a reasonable balance,” said Luka Matutinovic, chief marketing officer at LELO. “A solid framework for a truly fulfilling encounter is formed by thoroughly examining one's desires and the preferences of one's partner. Effective, open discussion and cultivating empathy serve as entry points for creating a good relationship and increasing empathy.

Our commitment to creating a seamless blend of satisfaction ensures that each intimate moment becomes a harmonious symphony of pleasure, highlighting the importance of mutual contentment. It's critical to remember that finding common ground between individual preferences and mutual enjoyment leads to a mutually enriching experience."

A majority of those surveyed feel confident that they can tell if their partner is having a good time during sex (73%).

Yet, just 18% of Americans “always” orgasm when having sex, with one in eight saying they “rarely” or “never” do.

Men are more likely to “always” orgasm (21%) compared to 15% of women.

To help them get there, 40% have used sex toys in the bedroom and 50% have a sexual desire they’ve never explored that they’re interested in sharing with a partner soon.

"Intimacy is an evolving experience that benefits from adaptability and innovation,” said Matutinovic. “Integrating thoughtfully selected pleasure products into the intimate dynamic of a relationship can offer a substantial advantage. The introduction of sex toys in the bedroom introduces an element of novelty and variety, vital for sustaining long-term connections.

By embracing these products, couples can embark on a journey of shared exploration, fostering enhanced communication and a deeper understanding of one another's desires. In this pursuit, using sex toys can significantly contribute to maintaining a fulfilling and enduring bond."

Survey methodology:

This random double-opt-in survey of 2,000 sexually active Americans was commissioned by LELO between August 14 and August 18, 2023. It was conducted by market research company OnePoll, whose team members are members of the Market Research Society and have corporate membership to the American Association for Public Opinion Research (AAPOR) and the European Society for Opinion and Marketing Research (ESOMAR).