What's the weirdest sex act you've ever done alone? #sex #sexual

#reddit #reddittymes #tymes #reddittymestodayShow more

Using a home TNS machine to zap myself to finishing
I was quite horny in my early teens, so I looked up innovative ways to masturbate. As it seems, if you hollow out a cucumber and microwave it, it does not feel like the inside of a vagina. I was left with the most disgusting vegetable you've ever seen and a memory that lives under the surface of my dignity.
Not me, but a dude that was a few years older than me in high school. This dude, Ted, decided that it was a good idea to flock a Head and Shoulders shampoo bottle while he was in the shower. His dick ended up getting stuck in the bottle and he had to go to the ER to get it removed. Afterward he was forever known as Ted and Shoulders.
I one day was bored and alone, my fiance left her butplug at my house that day, I figured nothing would happen if I tried so I used it, well long story short I couldn't get it out and had to call her to help me
Shoved a 2by2 inch bathbomb up my ass with plastic rap still on.
I tried to use hand sanitizer as lube once.....Don’t try it
Poured shampoo down my urethra, thinking it would generate some sort of pleasure.*Narrator: it did not*
One time I heated up a 5 layer bean burrito from Taco Bell for about 150 seconds before trying to use it as a fleshlight. I went balls deep and caused 1st degree burn on my crotch. Yes, I was a teen when I did thisYes I worked at taco bellNo I would not recommendNo that's not how we made sour cream
got so horny that i masturbated with a carrot and went to see my then-bf with the carrot still inside me (20mins bus ride), just to be greeted by his mom at the door. noped the flock outta there even before entering his place.edit: wau. thanks guys.
Made a fake vagina with a rubber glove, empty pasta sauce jar, a bath sponge and a rubber band. Then flocked it for weeks as a lonely teenager
dug a penis size hole in the ground, filled it with packing grease, flocked it.
Spent a whole day during school break lazy, in bed, seeing how many times I could ejaculate. The answer for 17 year old me was 12 times. 44 year old me has not yet repeated the experiment, but my guess is once.
Once when I was a young teen I wanted to know what my cum tasted like but licking it off my hand seemed gross so I jerked off into a Tostitos® Scoop and then ate it.It would take me years to realize that cum is both salty but not that salty.
When I was a kid I had the thought "if I could jerk off but keep the cum in me, would it feel good for longer?" So I put scotch tape over my pee hole and went to town. Suffice to say it was very painful and I have a bit of a lasting trauma. Would not recommend.
I wrote a raunchy message to a girl on my phone but didn't send it.I aimed my erection at the phone and made a deal with my dick that if it could get hard enough to reach the Send button, the message would get on its way.
I wanted to make my own fleshlight so I took the tube out of a roll of toilet paper and dunked the tp into warm water. I then put my dick into this warm mass of wet toilet paper. It felt decent but made such a mess, and the post nut guilt was something else.
Saw a thing in a hentai, decided to try it out, gave myself a UTI and thrush.If you're gonna flock a bottle, make sure to sterilise it first
In middle school, I once got a postcard from a girl I was super into (I’m pretty sure it was a generic bday card). Anyway I was so excited that I opened the card, cut a hole in the middle and tried to flock it. Didn’t go well, do not recommend. Highly uncomfortable and painful
I used a wooden sword as a dildo when I was a teenager
Fucked myself with a shampoo bottle on FaceTime with my ex, with my dead hands (I have a neurological condition) flailing about uncontrollably; was horny, in retrospect not the sexiest I’ve ever looked
Tied my own legs to the bed posts behind my head but I tied them too tight so I had to cut myself out with a mechanical pencil on my nightstand. It took ~~about 20~~ maybe more like 15 minutes.
I used a soft fishing lure as a dildo and lotion as lube. Got super freaked out after (I was really high and paranoid) so I called poison control thinking I was going to die from the chemicals on the lure lol
Tried to suck my own dick. Managed to get the head in my mouth. Did not feel like a blowjob, hurt my back. 2/10 do not recommend.Edit: this is my first ever post or comment to ever get a reward. Classic Reddit that it is about sucking my own dick... wonderful. Thanks guys.
Fucked a cabbage
PIV. Penis in vacuum. I was going through puberty.
Make flock to the couch cushions, ya know in between the crevice?
Blew myselfEdit: Somebody reported me to Reddit for self harm.
You know these weird intrusive thoughts you sometimes have when near somewhere you could jump from?Welp one time i just put a butter knife up my V.