Haunted Mansion is a waste of time

Haunted Mansion is a waste of time

FULL REVIEW: https://youtube.com/live/FGKKndbtlsQ
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Follow along as RANKED reviews a new movie release every week of 2023, slowly compiling the best films of the year into our sacred hierarchical list.

QUICK REVIEW: Haunted Mansion isn’t a movie. It feels more like a secret government IQ test. Anybody that doesn’t laugh gets put on a watchlist for being dangerously intellectual.

Joking aside, it’s nothing more than a payday for aging actors simply trying to fill their Disney contract movie quotas, as well as a payday for the producers who have those same high profile actors say things like “shop at CVS” and “gee I’m hungry, let’s get a whopper cooked fresh from Burger King.”

This poor excuse for a movie is a sad reminder that post-modernism is cancerous to storytelling. Everyone seems stupidly self-aware that nobody is taking this seriously. Meanwhile, you could take any single line from this movie and give it to any other character and nobody would know the difference because nobody has a distinct character while simultaneously everyone is the comic relief.

It feels no different than Cocaine Bear where the director said, “just say funny stuff and be goofy.”

There’s no story going on, nothing carrying us from beat to beat so by the end you’re begging for the afterlife.

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