The Diplopian War

A member of our troupe has a last name of Fly. In May of 2021, during research into his family history, he discovered Saint-Germer-de-Fly, a commune located about 60 miles northwest of Paris. Curious about the name, he reached out to the Friends of the Abbey of Saint-Germer Association wanting to know more about the name and if there are Flys in Saint-Germer. Thankfully, he didn’t get a response like “Yes, but only in summertime” or “only when the sanitation workers are on strike.” The association claims that despite the name “de-Fly,” there doesn’t appear to be any records of a Fly family in the region. The name, carried by a number of villages (e.g., Saint-Germer-de-Fly, Fla, Flavacourt), was derived from a Roman general named Flavius who created a small empire for himself around the fifth century, shortly before the first kings of France started to unify the country. So the King Flavius in this sketch is actually based upon a real life Roman officer. Columbia University’s Media Center for Art History has a very nice collection of pictures of the abbey in Saint-Germer-de-Fly, including a virtual reality tour page. A link is in the References section below.

“[Burp] Yellow…Green…Blue…I’m a star!” - Many years ago a troupe member’s brother witnessed his family playing a game whilst sitting around their firepit called “I’m a Star.” When this troupe member called up his brother recently asking him about the rules of the game, he said that he couldn’t recall the rules. CoBaD did a quick internet search, but was unable to find a game of that name on the internet. We think, though, that the rules go like this:

1. Whoever burps has to immediately say the name of a color currently in view (Note: this player is the only one who knows a burp is coming, so he can take advantage of it and discreetly look around the room before he cuts loose). Since Bucge was opposite the fire and the fire was the first thing he saw when he burped, he naturally said “yellow.”

2. The person to his immediate left has two seconds to say the name of another color not already mentioned (for example, Brissen was looking at the map, saw the tree with the tire swing on it and said “green.” Cecile, also looking at the map, saw the river, and said “blue.”)

3. The game keeps going clockwise around the fire until someone can’t think of a name of a color that hasn’t already been mentioned. That person (in this case, “Pico de” Galo), then, as a punishment, has to stand up, spread his arms straight out to his side, with fingers apart, and say “I’m a Star!” then sit back down. Game over.

The names here were particularly fun to choose for this skit. Attached are their names (in order of appearance) and their respective meanings. Names and meanings were courtesy of Momjunction.com:

Bucge means “One with a large mouth,”

Brissen means “A clumsy person who breaks things,”

Cecile means “He who is blind,”

Galo is a peculiar name. The word “galo” is Spanish for “Gallic,” or someone originating from Gaul (now known as France). However, Momjunction.com’s Spanish baby name website claims the name “Galo” means “Adult male chicken.”

Gauthier (the commander) means “Head of the armed forces,” and

Gaspar (the Royal Treasurer) means “Treasurer.”

Galo: “Yeah, c’mon, Flavius Flav, bring the noise!” - We here at CoBaD don’t listen to rap music, but we couldn’t help but include a reference here to Flavor Flav, specifically to his former group Public Enemy and their collaboration with Anthrax on the single “Bring the Noise" (1988).

King Flavius: “The Norman Army has crossed the northern frontier, laid siege to the town of New Cowshedgrad…” – See “The Hams Justifies the Means” sketch.

King Flavius: “Our scouts have indicated that they are encamped at the Geronimo RV Park...” – See the “War Planner” sketch.

King Flavius: “…a mile off the Machiavelli exit…” - Another reference to “The Hams Justifies the Means” sketch.

King Flavius: “…across the street from General Crook tent city and cattycorner to the Nelson Miles Liquor Store…” – Another reference to the “War Planner” sketch.

King Flavius: “The infantry are the key to our survival. Commander, your men will be the first and last line of defense of this city.” – A troupe member of ours used to be employed with a large company. This whole sketch was really inspired by an article on that company’s internal website with the title “You are the first and last line of defense in the world of cybersecurity.” The title doesn’t make any sense. If a hacker, say, stole an employee’s password to his computer and breached a database, why would he circle back around and try to go through the employee again? So the “break the glass” military operations plan in the King’s lock box is an 11th century answer of how you can be both a first and last line of defense. The "first and last line of defense" cliché just seems like another case of executives trying to appear intellectual and profound by using “cool sounding” corporate catchphrases but in the end they come off as being very silly and out of touch individuals.

Galo: No me hables asi…dampf stoom (“Don’t talk to me like that, steam steam!”) - A troupe member has an espresso machine that has a language setting for 17 different languages. We here at CoBaD think “Dampf stoom” sounds like a great insult to hurl at someone provided that someone doesn’t know what the hell it means.

King Flavius: “Finally, while the war counsel and I are sneaking out the library located in the Alexandre Dumas Memorial Secret Passage Room…“ - Allegedly there was a plaque mounted on the wall next to the aforementioned passage room that read: ” Named in honor of Alexandre Dumas père (1802-1870) in recognition of his lifelong service as a tireless advocate for secret doors, tunnels and entry ways as plot devices.” Dumas liked to use secret passages and doorways in his novels such as “The Count of Monte Cristo” and “Twenty Years After.”

Voiceover: “This Diplopian counteroffensive has been brought to you by…Monet Vision.” – See the “I’m Gonna Rearrange Your Face” sketch.

Voiceover: “Mjölnir Brand Ibuprofen…” - Mjölnir is the name of Thor’s hammer.

Voiceover: “…being careful not to run into the confused American drivers circling the Mrs. Smi Commemorative Roundabout…” - See the “Acceptance Spee” sketch.

Voiceover: “This Norman Conquest has been brought to you by Für Elise Travel Agency.” – See the “Travail Agent” sketch.

Voiceover: “Then stop by this Saturday for free Bagatelles…“ - Ludwig van Beethoven’s “Für Elise” is officially known as “Bagatelle No. 25 in A minor.” Beethoven probably changed the name because he got fed up with all the bread jokes every time he sat down for breakfast (“Hey, Ludwig! Pass the Bagatelles and cream cheese (giggle)!”)

Voiceover: “…courtesy Bach’s Cantata Coffee Shop…” - See the “Spirit of Sechsundsiebzig” sketch.

References:

Momjunction.com. 608 Spanish baby boy names with meanings.
https://www.momjunction.com/baby-names/spanish/boy/

Momjunction.com. 787 French baby boy names with meanings.
https://www.momjunction.com/baby-names/french/boy/

Media Center for Art History, Columbia University. Saint-Germer-de-Fly, Eglise Saint-Germer.
https://mcid.mcah.columbia.edu/art-atlas/mapping-gothic/saint-germer-de-fly-%C3%A9glise-saint-germer

Sound effects (cracking fire, burp, and breaking of glass) were courtesy videvo.net.

Translations were courtesy Google Translate.

Directions from Saint-Germer-de-Fly to Hastings were courtesy Google Maps.