Coffee, Donuts, and Deception: Dale Cooper Reveals the Dark Side of Judy Garland!

Agent Dale Cooper here, and I have a story to share that is as bitter as a lousy cup of coffee. So, get a cup of coffee and a few donuts, and let's explore the mysterious world of Attorney General Merrick Garland, or Judy Garland, as I've started to refer to him.

Recently, I came across a post from The Heritage Foundation that is as uncomfortable as a cold cup of coffee. It appears that our friend Judy has been causing a fuss by drafting a memo ordering the Department of Justice and the FBI—my old haunts—to deal with an alleged spike in criminal activity targeted at school employees.

The truth, though, is that Judy is trying to deceive parents into thinking he can call the FBI on them. It is an overt attempt to silence parents' right to free speech in order to gain favor with his political allies. As absurd as a coffee shop running out of doughnuts, this is!

My friends, this is a classic example of the DOJ becoming weaponized. Federal law enforcement action against these parents is not warranted. They are merely protecting their children, which is all that parenting is supposed to be about, as far as I can tell. Judy is violating critics' First Amendment rights by silencing them with the threat of federal law enforcement.

And what's the icing on this sour coffee cake? Judy's actions demonstrate his allegiance to influential leftist political organizations, who are willing to utilize the threat of federal law enforcement to stifle the free speech of their detractors. What else might leave you with a nasty taste in your mouth if that? Now, Rile oh Billy, tell us more about this developing controversy.