You are either “he” or “she.” Get over it.

If you are requesting folks refer to you as “they/them” or as one of the “neo-pronouns,” you are not being inclusive. Please don’t fool yourself into believing you are. This weird social ritual is not inclusive to folks from certain countries, background, beliefs, languages, or generations. It is confusing. It puts everyone—even a native English speaker—immediately on edge, because it is unnatural, it is new, and—rather than just requiring their silent tolerance—it REQUIRES THEIR PARTICIPATION. So instead of allowing for a free-flow exchange of ideas, you have now made the social interaction predominately about you, and about not offending you, and “getting it right.” You have effectively made yourself the center of each social interaction and relationship, instead of “de-centering” yourself and putting others more at ease.

It’s easy to say “it’s just a word; it’s just being polite,” etc. but think about that the next time you want to offer your non “he” or “she” “preferred pronouns.” They’re just words. Why do they matter so much to YOU? Since you’re the one asking everyone to change.

Why can’t you be the female or the male you are, acknowledge the appropriate third-person pronouns, and still dress and express yourself however you choose? Why are you reinforcing strict gender stereotypes? Why not be curious about how you can serve others, how you can facilitate intimacy and communication, how you can put others more at ease—instead of policing their language?

It is absurd that even if I call you no name, even if I’m perfectly polite and respectful towards you—if I don’t acquiesce to your nonsensical, confusing pronouns, I’m immediately deemed at best “rude” and at worst “impolite.” That is a #ClownWorld and you are a child. Get over yourself.

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