1 "Fact" About EVERY Splatoon 3 Character / NPC

What are your favorite Splatoon 3 characters up to in their spare time? What are their backstories? Isn't there more you want to know about Captain 3? Frye, Big Man, Shiver? ANYONE? THE GREAT ZAPFISH?
Here's a bunch of facts you can't say AREN'T possibly true... but also aren't canon. ENJOY!!!