Why & How to Apologize

See the full article at: https://unclegarrett.substack.com/p/why-and-how-to-apologize

Many people don't apologize. Instead, most people offer either rubbish non-apologies, or simply ignore the hurt and wallpaper over it with a nice gesture. But any action will have a consequence. By not apologizing, we are telling the wrongdoing recipients that we don't love them, care for them, or respect them. Rubbish non-apologies often do more harm than good. Rubbish non-apologies will effectively damage or entirely destroy the love, respect and trust they have developed towards us. Long term the relationships will be weakened or die because we choose to not nourish them by giving love and care. They will grow wary of us, put on guard, distance themselves out or reduce contact to avoid us if they can, or even distrust us.

It also harms ourselves. We will experience avoidance, emotional isolation, guilt, shame, etc. and these will ultimately lead to a lower self respect, self happiness. Lack of self respect and happiness will lead to a series of other deep problems and behaviors. The down side of not apologizing is just too much. Don't allow their hurt feelings to accumulate to the heart breaking point that nothing can rescue your relationship.

The Benefits of Apologizing
On the other hand, there are so many benefits if we make an apology. Giving a sincere appropriate apology is like giving a pain killer, it will instantly soothe the other people's emotional pain and help to heal. It also has physical health improvement on the wronged person’s end. A 2002 study by researchers from Hope College and Virginia Commonwealth University that showed that heart rate, blood pressure, sweat levels, and facial tension decreased in victims of wrongs, even when they simply imagined receiving an apology.

But for most people, a sincere proper apology demonstrates that you love them, care for them, respect them, which will help them to give you a full forgiveness which helps to restore their love, respect and trust back to you.

A great apology is a great way to love yourself. I'll say it again, a great apology is a great way to love yourself. That's because the best way to love yourself is to improve yourself. Making yourself a better person than you were yesterday is the path to greatness, and the ultimate self-love. And apologizing enhances yourself. When you take full responsibility of your actions, the benefits can go much deeper, because we have to work on our humility, courage, empathy, compassion, remorse, learning your deeper or hidden flaws, forgiving ourselves, making decision to improve, growing deeper love, care... One of the quirks of human nature is that your loved ones can see you better than yourself. So when an apology is sincerely requested, it is almost always a result of something they see in you that you did not see yourself. Therefore, the opportunity to apologize should be a most welcome thing, because it represents a new self-improvement!