Door Poo

Clip from Clever Name Podcast #357 - POWER HOUR

On Friday the 17th of February, a group of unsuspecting Warwick students woke up to find that a poo had been taped to the front door of their Leamington Spa home.

The student who found the faeces was rushing out of his house in the early morning when he encountered the poo. Unfortunately for this student, he felt the poo before he saw it.

The student told The Warwick Tab: “I was leaving my house and went to slam the door. When I did so, my fingers sunk into something soft and sludgy, which startled me. For some reason I assumed it was peanut butter, but on closer inspection I realised it was poo.”

He did not confirm how he came to realise that the poo was not in fact peanut butter – one would hope this discovery was not made by a taste test.

He described his discovery as nothing short of traumatic: “My fight or flight kicked in and I let out a primal shriek of disgust. I tried desperately to unlock my door with my other hand, before running inside and dumping half a bottle of soap on the soiled hand while quivering and gagging.”

The scene of the incident

The student clarified that the poo was not warm at the time of its discovery, leading him to believe that this peculiar gift was left much earlier in the night. He was in a rush so fled the scene.

The landlord of the property (who was coming over anyway) was the second on the scene: she cleared the evidence and delivered the news of the attack to the other members of the house.

The faecal attack stirred up some anxiety among the house’s inhabitants. One student expressed concern that the attack may have been targeted.

They said: “It seems a bit too extreme and a bit too calculated for a random attack. I’m more paranoid about the door being properly locked now.”

When I enquired if they had any suspicion regarding who may have been targeting them, they were unsure: “I don’t think any of us have any enemies, at least no enemies that would go to these lengths.”

The incident unsurprisingly raised a lot of questions.

“Was it human? And if so, did the culprit produce the poo by our door, or do it elsewhere and transport it? It seems like quite a lot of effort.”

Another noted that the quality of the culprit’s poo-taping efforts were somewhat subpar: not the work of a serial door-poo-attacker.

“I can’t help but wonder if they’ve done this before. The shoddy tape work would suggest that this was their first time adhering a poo to a door.”

Luckily for these students, there is a CCTV camera in operation near the entrance to their house. With any luck, the defecating culprit may be caught.

The students say the police are currently investigating this (faecal) matter.