The Fellowship of Guelphissauga: Invasion of the WEF & the Carbon Credit Digital Passport | Feb 2023

The Fellowship of Guelphissauga continues with the invasion of the World Exotic Forum(WEF) and their Digital Passport system. Along with Montreal and Bridgewater NS, the Shire won a $10 million “prize” from the WEF's Smart City Challenge(1). With thunderous applause the WEF used the funds to open a Smart Cities office in the Shire. The office's mission is to spend the $10mil to increase access to affordable food, where “waste” becomes a resource. They are targeting a Net-Zero waste with a two-stage mandate: The first stage involves creating a Circular Economy Matrix using a network of 50 businesses in the Shire, otherwise known as 50x50x50 by 2025. Once that is established, then they can implement the second stage with a Circular Economy Digital Passport(2). Will the $10mil be enough money to successfully implement both stages of the WEF's plans by 2025?

The Mayor and his Dubious Business Associates celebrated the opening of the Smart Cities office as it setup shop in the Shire similar to the Scum Bucket restaurant in Bikini Bottom. But unlike Montreal's office which had won the big $50mil prize, the Shire's Smart City office needed to spend the WEF's funds with a qualitative accounting superiority to complete its goal of Net-Zero waste by 2025. Instead of spending wildly on Bleitzkreig-Bop RoboDogs to directly monitor Carbon Credits as in Montreal(3), they planned to build a Circular Economy Matrix, connecting the Shire to the Internet of Things to track emissions. Emitting the stench of the WEF's freshly laundered money, the Smart Cities office attempted to lure in 50 local businesses to establish their network for the Circular Economy Matrix. Baiting the businesses with $30,000 in grants, all they had to do was register for the Circular Economy (re)education training sessions and then they could implement the Carbon Credit Passport(4).

The putrid stench of the WEF's freshly laundered money billowed throughout the Shire, eventually reaching the Council of Elders chambers. As the growing House Hippo in the room, the Elder Elves eventually had to break the ice and address it: They jokingly asked the Mayor if he had eaten lunch at Frankenstein's Bar, since the smell reminded them of the old bathrooms there. Of course he hadn't, since the Mayor always dines at his European-inspired Dining District, but the joke was enough to address the smell. RG jumped at the opportunity to find the stench like a eager puppy. He bolted south in the direction of the smell and tracked it to the Westminster Woods. But like most noobs, RG got lost in the Westminster Woods. Unlike the Lost Woods in the Legend of Zelda, going north-west-south-west doesn't reveal the secret exit(5). RG got stuck doing circles in a roundabout until he found a group of homeless students playing Pokemon Go. He figured he would take the opportunity to ask them for directions and see if they're looking to rent a shack for $2k a month.

Meanwhile, CK had a novice Elf idea to instead search for a wise Elder to identify the vile smell. She headed north to find Sir Edward of Bench, who she knew had decades of experience with the Shire's unique smells. Carly arrived at the Bench to find Sir Edward peacekeeping an argument between Trolls over the source of the putrid stench. She asked him if he could identify it, but all he knew for certain was that it was the smell of burning money. It was the unique dank stank to the smell that he couldn't isolate, but it reminded him of one money bonfire in the Shire eons ago simply known as “Mondex” (6).

But words have power, and unknowingly to Sir Edward, there was a discarded IBM 486 computer cursed with the Mondex software rotting away under a nearby dumpster. Like awakening the Kraken, the Mondex software activated from Sir Edward uttering its name. Normally it would return to sleep mode, but the Mondex machine also caught wind of the WEF's smell in its USB 1.0 ports and instead went into dark mode, activating it's blue screen of death. It shot up from the ground, pulling telephone lines and Ethernet cables with it. The earthshaking damage(7) flipped the dumpster onto Bruce's Lantern that was stashed behind it, and it was set ablaze. The dumpster caught fire and shot up into the air like a rocket. For several minutes it floated around the air, even catching the attention of NORAD and causing a shutdown of airspace over Lake Michigan(8). All the inhabitants of the Shire could do is watch the dumpster fire as it flew through the air and eventually landed on top of the Albion. Emerging from the flames in a big Blue Beam of light was the Ghost of Mondex Past. It set out to attack the WEF's Carbon Credit system and enforce it's curse: Mondex can be the only digital currency in Guelph, and since it failure eons ago, no one is allowed to replace it. That's the Curse of Mondex.

Now the Ghost of Mondex Past is flying around the Shire, conducting random cyber-attacks against the WEF's Carbon Currency pilot coming to the Shire in Spring 2023. The entire Shire continues to reek of the WEF's laundered money and the Albion is a dumpster fire. Rodrigo is still lost in the Westminster Woods, alone in the winter cold with only his Spiked Codpiece equipped. How will Sir Ed, CK, and the Elder Elves handle the WEF's Smart City stench and the Ghost of Mondex Past? Stay tuned or wait until 2025 to see...

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What do you think?
Will you sign up for the Carbon Currency pilot this spring?
Will you visit any business using Carbon Currency credits?
Will Carbon Currency credits be next next Tim Horton's Points?
Can Sir Edward raise $10mil by 2025 to defeat the WEF'?

(1)https://www.infrastructure.gc.ca/sc-vi/map-applications.php?fbclid=IwAR3L4VUA2fYfa9o6XrSseKmiNquKDYJfaWbRELhA3npjiQqdt5pJdoOW4jk
(2)https://guelph.ca/2021/08/world-class-circular-economy-business-accelerator-program-is-launching-in-guelph-wellington/
(3)https://www.tiktok.com/@stm.info/video/7198257868418632966?_r=1&_t=8ZkHWOChfEM
(4)https://drive.google.com/file/d/1pPzN_znAnfZ_jOMvNQ_f1V9qcUURXXUU/view
(5)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_dWrQRrVZU
(6)https://www.guelphmercury.com/news-story/5215600-remember-guelph-s-mondex-moment-/
(7)https://news.yahoo.com/earthquake-hits-buffalo-ny-shaking-125154373.html
(8)https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/21364670/us-military-shoots-down-ufo-lake-huron/
https://rumble.com/v290iyg-three-cdn-cities-win-millions-from-wef-to-build-smart-city-projects-guelph-.html