Love at a Distance - Love Story

Love at a Distance - Love Story
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Love at a Distance - Love Story.

My husband and I met four years ago when I temporarily lived with relatives in another city. Our relationship began quickly, after three months he proposed to me to marry, however, then he began to delay the specific date of the wedding, did not say anything to relatives and friends about the engagement. As a result, the wedding took place almost secretly, despite the fact that I wanted a magnificent ceremony with a white wedding dress...
When I moved in with him, the first problems began. A year later, he went “on a business trip” to another city, leaving me alone for 6 months under the pretext “I need to finish the school year, and then you will move in to me.” But I couldn't move to him.
Long-distance relationships are almost impossible to maintain for a long time, quarrels began, and he offered to leave. But he continued to pay for our rented apartment.
I chuckled and calmed down. After 2 months, he returned - just came for dinner. We sat and talked like old friends. In the end, when he was already leaving, he hugged me and said that he still loves me.
From this evening we seem to be together again. But in fact, nothing has changed: he still lives there, and I live here. In winter, I went to him for two weeks, quarreled, he left me again, saying that he did not believe in my love and fidelity.
I cried again and eventually calmed down. After 2 months I received a letter from him that he wants to talk. I replied that I did not want to see him, and that if he needed, let him email me. He did not answer, but then early in the morning a call came from him - his brother was in the hospital, he asked me to come. I did not understand why to do this: his whole family is there, relatives who think that we have parted - how will I look in their eyes, what will I say? No, he says, come, I feel bad and need your support.
I've arrived. He hung on my neck, wept bitterly, said that he loved, that we should try to restore our relationship. At first I refused, realizing that all these words were said on emotions, but then gradually I believed. Apparently, I just wanted to believe that everything would be fine.
Everything was good, but not in the way I would like it to be and not very long. We talked with him almost every day, he swore in love and gave gifts. But he was not in a hurry to come to me, he always found excuses. Then he came, bought tickets so that I could move in with him for the summer, and so that we would try to move in together again. Two weeks after we lived together, he said that he was mistaken, that nothing would work out for us. That then, with his brother, he just had a difficult situation and I almost took advantage of it!
And all this a week before my examination period. As a result, I did not pass the exams on my nerves. I roared like a beluga, but he never called, did not apologize, did not ask how I was doing, and disappeared forever.
I understand that it’s my own fault, that it was impossible to believe him, that all these were emotions, and I become necessary for him only when he feels bad. But it still hurts - I love him.
I meet other guys, I go on dates, but I can’t betray. I'm still waiting: what if he changes his mind and comes back? I can't help myself. And I don't know how to live on.