Talk 72: On the Upbringing of Children According to Saints Paisios and Porphyrios - Part 3

Orthodox Talks by Priestmonk Kosmas, Sydney, Australia
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In society today children are increasingly at risk of developing psychological and emotional problems, the effects of which can last long into adulthood. The question arises: why? The Church, doctors and psychologists all seem to agree that many of these problems are caused by trauma children experience in their mother’s womb and in the early years of their life. Unfortunately, many parents are unaware of what types of experiences are actually traumatic for their children.

In this talk Father Kosmas uses the teachings of the contemporary elders Saints Paisios and Porphyrios to outline a number of experiences that negatively affect children, to the point of developing serious psychological, physical and emotional problems. The saints also give valuable advice to parents on how to identify and avoid these problems.

The following questions are also discussed: what should parents do when children are rude and rebellious? What does St Paisios advise regarding spanking children? Can excessive reprimands hurt children psychologically? Why does St Paisios warn parents not to discipline their children before going to bed? What did St Porphyrios mean when he said of traumatized children, “The child grows up and develops, but deep down he does not change”? How can we help children to grow up strong and able to face life’s challenges? What are the different ways that parents transmit their own negative traits, habits and passions to their children? Can those who were damaged in childhood successfully marry and raise children? How does depression in children differ from depression in adults?

Other points covered in this talk include: how the first two years are critical for the child’s later development; a saint’s advice to parents whose children shout, break things, hit others and are generally very naughty; an explanation of what Fr Seraphim Rose meant when he said, “­­Few are those today who can clearly express their emotions and ideas and face them in a mature way”; and the question of whether sending children to childcare or to school at a young age can cause serious problems.