I search for a place of higher learning.

I hold to life without fire.

I am wounded, my heart is broken, yet I am here to find myself. All I wish is to reach for self respect. I reach out for help. I must learn and face ignorance, unfold my powerful desire again I have been holding my dream in a death grip. I have suffocated it losing my will to go on. My dreams of teaching in the state Universities have been destroyed. I lost the will, the desire for something better. Everything the State Schools offers are empty, mundane, without integrity. The State Institutes left a stuporous evasive philosophy of pointlessness. Never did they reach out to touch truth.

Perhaps, I expect too much from them. Is it too much to ask for truth? These teachers live in a vacuous factory environment. The schooling is not for wisdom, but for physical profit. It is only about greed. They are run by the industries. Intuition is killed, understanding discounted in their work relationship with the conglomerates.

I rather not be part of the world than to be bought and sold like the cattle of Tauzn. So I chose to become a Solian. I see my error and how this decision has hurt, but helped me arrive here. I pray to Zyan that I have made a wise choice in coming here. I hope the Hyrayarch will provide the right education and a worthwhile place.

I became infected with the disease when I was a Solian. In their service within the Ingersol I lost myself. The glow of life vanished and I became a shadow. I followed a lesser destiny.

My life will not fade into pastel meaninglessness. Forgotten memories will not leave me in a hypnotic stupor. The future is a choice to live or die. In the clear blue sky of Alonia I see others around me doing what they dream. Why is it I am so separated from my dream. I am not afraid, but I am afraid of a life of dull routine without purpose.

A glimmer, a spark, a voice of an anguished angel made me aware of my purpose. The purpose beyond the grasp of materialism, beyond the certainty of death's ultimate depreciation. Where is this purpose in Alonia?

One ember in my soul is left to ignite the flame of life.

The spark to light my heart is hope. Life is joy. I hold the last ember of my soul to spark truth into a flame. I pray I might see my way into its illumination. Zyan bring forth enlightenment. One promise beckons me forward holding the torch light shining ahead. I envision my life is a lesson, not an abyss devoid of reason.

The eternal hollowness of greed, blank faces, lust for pleasure laughs at the thought of purpose. Its prey berate questions making cruel jokes while living in waste. Their chaotic lives lead nowhere. Anger is their refuge. They fight! They hate truth! They prefer deceit. They hide in struggle.

Quietly, I have left their thicket of resentment. I defend myself from constant attacks. These attacks have wounded me deeply. I have lost the glow, dimmed of energy and fatigued in thought. I have sacrificed what I know for the dulling of the pain.

Physicians label every condition disease. They call this plague of spirit, OBS, Obscurative Belemic Spicalenti. The infected are depressed, moody and fearful. They know the loss of will comes before death. The medical conglomerates operate like invincible demagogues. They de-spiritualize life, injecting drugs into the body, fogging the mind with chemicals to numb the pain of exisitence. They have caused a lowering of vitality to animalistic reactions.

The spiritual nature must be reinstituted for inner healing. The cruel disease of OBS has manifested the malignant contagious selfishness of depersonalized medicine. For all its knowledge, power, and material capacity the glamorized profession of the physician is at a climax of dishonor. Healing in the service of Alonian society is sanctioned sucide and murder.

They gave me a sentence of death. Named the date, the time. They told me to prepare for death. They used fear to force me to submit to experimental testings to overcome OBS. I broke away from their chemical experimental tortures. I will not follow their failures to the graveyards.

Facing desecration of my life brought me to inner healing. The purpose of sickness is to reveal undying life. I walk with hope. I look for the white spire of the Hyrayarch. I do not deny this infection of my consciousness or the need for healing. This is why I follow this future. It holds a brightness beyond the despair, healing past sickness and life past death. Hope is a sure path. Desolation follows society's pronouncements of terrorism.

I crave knowledge. I am propelled into learning. I search out to find others of like mind. I leave work and struggle behind in search for a master teacher. I search for a place of higher learning.