The Importance of Masks Parody (With Boris Johnson)

Boris warns of the importance of masks.

Transcript:

Greetings.

One of the most important aspects of slowing the spread of coronavirus is this mask. The humble mask. Found anywhere. All good shops. The mask can be applied easily like this. (Boris puts on the mask)

This is what I want to see from everyone in all circumstances whenever possible and ideally, even when impossible. (takes mask off)

There have been rumours going around that wearing a mask is in some way unhealthy. Even worse than that, there have been studies floating around, proper clinical studies, from way before the emergence of Covid-19, legitimate studies, which strongly suggest harmful side effects from sustained, long-term mask wearing.

I know we like to follow the science, but in regards to these conclusions, we’d like you to ignore them. Ignore the link between masks and carbon dioxide reuptake that causes a cortisol surge in your bloodstream, inhibiting your immune system.

Think not about the microbial build-up on masks that aren’t properly washed and the unpleasant breathing environment it may create; and especially don’t think about the loss of recognition we all have of each other with our delicate, expressive features cooped up under this thing.

Do not engage with suggestions that enforced mask wearing is a perfect indicator of compliance. Do not think that that’s why many of those far more powerful than you are caught wihtout masks, in organised private gatherings often, when they think they are not being filmed. Do not link these things.
(mention Kate Burley and Gavin Newsome)

But it has to be done L & D. These things are life-savers, or at least that’s what we’re sticking to.

So one mask at all times (applies mask). Now, if you’ve had the vaccine, I’d like to apply 2 masks. I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but you are still able to catch Covid-19 after the vaccine, and we’ve now invested money in you. So you’ve got to be a shining example.

If you’ve had the second jab; then that’s right, you guessed it - three masks. If it becomes difficult to breathe at this point, you can create a hole in the front of the masks, like so, and you can insert your government provided snorkel. You apply the snorkel, like so.

And lastly if you’re ugly, and you know who you are, then can you please wear two masks, covering all of your face. We’re talking everything below a four. Four out of ten. We need the fives to help us beautiful people realise. Now, when you do this, make sure to cut to holes, like so, for your eyes to see through. You wouldn’t want to look stupid.

That about wraps things up. Learn to see the masks as your friend, learn to love your mask. They aren’t going anywhere.