Iron Rule vs Golden Rule – Being Dad with Phil Lower, October 6, 2022

John Nash was a pioneer in mathematical Game Theory. He is famous for the Prisoner’s Dilemma but we are going to apply it to raising out kids.

The Prisoner’s Dilemma goes like this. Two friends are being interrogated for a crime. If one confesses and the other denies it, the confessor goes to jail and their friend goes free and vice versa.

What frequently happens is that the Golden Rule or the Iron Rule will kick in.

The Golden Rule says a person will confess out of the kindness of their own heart in the hope of getting some benefit for martyrdom. This is Lose/Win. They lost because they had too much conscience.

The Iron Rule says deny, deny, deny no matter what. Playing the statistics that the other guy will eventually confess.

There is a temporary high from gambling and winning because you think you are getting away with something.

Both are results of poor personal boundaries and decision making.

The best outcome is when there is a point of balance. Where a person meets their opponent with the Iron Rule and then backs down to the Golden Rule. Forgive and forget.

This is where we open doors to constructiveness and close them to destructiveness. This is Conscience and Intuition working together.

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