What is real manhood or masculinity? by J Loren Norris
What is real manhood or masculinity?
“Manhood is not meant to be brutish, rude or unjust but to be protective, productive, and caring. Masculinity is better defined by the good it brings to society.” J Loren Norris
What is real manhood or masculinity?
Growing up the only son of a single mother, I struggled for many years to understand what a “real man” might look like, behave like and how to become a real man. It was a genuine struggle. Four decades later, with two grown sons of my own and seven grandsons in their formative years, I see the struggle is still very real for young men all over the world. The real challenge for many of these young men is simple. Their own fathers grew up with no solid picture of manhood to observe or emulate, if they were present at all.
FATHERLESSNESS IS A HUGE PROBLEM
Reghardless what part of the world a young man grows up in, it has been true for the history of human existence, people do what people see. John Maxwell calls it the Law of the Picture. Young girls tend to emulate the women of their culture often in the raising of children, their domestic habits, and even choices of education, career and relationships. Young men traditionally have followed in the footsteps of the men in their culture as well. When the father is gone, young boys growing to young men are thoroughly confused because their nature of being male doesn’t suit the behavior necessary to model the women in their culture and there is nothing “like them” to model as an alternative. The result is modeling of their peers, which generally means, do what comes naturally, do what feels good in the moment or do what you must to survive. This leads to unrestrained and often animalistic behavior.
WHAT AM I MEANT TO BE LIKE?
This is the question silently gnawing at the heart of every human from the deepest parts of the soul. When the answer is unclear, or unanswered, the reaction can be as varied as the options. “I can be whatever I want to be!” This personal and individual Declaration of Independence can lead to total anarchy. If there is no model of behavior and no one with the leadership skills, tenacity and compassion to reinforce that model, rampant misbehavior is the most likely response. Perhaps you have heard the old phrase, “While the cat’s away, the mice will play.” When there is no restraint, no enforcement of proper expectations, no penalty for misbehavior, no consequences for inherently dangerous actions or attitudes, there will be no proper behavior.
Over the past three generations, the impact of fatherlessness on family, culture, society and global economy has been well documented. Every nation on earth has recorded increases in violent crime, drug addiction, joblessness, incarceration, and often abuse against women and children. In every demography, every city, every culture, the majority of this socially unacceptable or outright antisocial behavior is carried out by young men 14-30 years of age. These should be the star athletes, the young fathers, the society’s up and coming financial leaders. These should be the men coming of age to run businesses, start families and mold the future. But they are wayward and lack a sense of direction, because those men before them WALKED JUST LIKE THEM... WAYWARD.
THE SOLUTION IS NOT EASY BUT NECESSARY
Until we can reverse the process and begin to impact and influence the young minds of boys with a model worthy of following, we will continue to witness an extenuation and exacerbation of this devastation in our homes, in our families, in our cultures and in our streets. If we begin to teach and model civility, social responsibility, human compassion, personal accountability and true leadership when boys are old enough to communicate and emotionally comprehend, we can turn the tide. If we tenaciously demonstrate the reality that being a real man requires loving kindness to all of our neighbors, all of our fellow humans, all of our earth bound sojourners, we can transform all of society in one or two generations.
I am convinced, loving kindness is the one thing which will ultimately stamp out family violence, child abuse, sex trafficking, drug abuse, police brutality, gang wars, and the criminality each of these societal ills produce and reproduce. StoryPower is all about the narrative we need to create, teach and repeat until LOVE is the LANGUAGE of MANHOOD!
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