Jeepers Creepers - Episode 0132

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“That’s Not My Scarecrow.” – Jeepers Creepers

If you can dodge The Creeper, you can dodge a ball! Thank you for joining us for Katie’s 6th appearance on the podcast! She is the reigning champion of #HIH appearances, so eat her dust, Adam Brown.

In this particular horror film, there’s no lotion involved, even though the murderer requires the freshest, most fear-infused skin in order to Dorian Gray himself in the most gruesome way possible. To that end, we have to wonder if Buffalo Bill or The Creeper is more evil.

Either way, this movie demonstrates that self-taxidermy is the ultimate survival tool and decoration skill. How else are you going to remain immortal in the Sistine Chapel of preserved bodies?

As horrifying as he is, The Creeper does have mad processing skills. But for you #Hindsighters at home, don’t fret if you don’t have freshly skinned human for your recipes; you can use store-bought and no one will know the difference. #BarefootHotmessa

Along with his incredible talents in butchering, Darth and Jason would be remiss if they didn’t take this opportunity to applaud The Creeper’s abilities in recycling; so few horror villains are green enough to leave only footprints when they devour and/or wear their human victims.

As far as Darth is concerned, the Creeper is basically Bobcat Goldthwait as a Whisperer with a massive torture truck (a.k.a rolling probable cause). That being said, the only thing dumber than going back to investigate a mysterious guy who’s CLEARLY throwing bloody bodies down a pipe is building a diner set on your own budget.

We can only conclude that a lack of common sense is essential to the existence of any horror movie. There’s no other way to explain why most victims in scary films don’t possess a stronger instinct to “get the hell outta here”, or at least heed the advice of cut-rate Miss Cleo.

Justin Long story short, Derry is a better escape artist than Harry Houdini (we still don’t know how he get out of that tunnel of bodies); in fact, he’s so talented that he manages to escape his own skin. #SpoilerAlert