Sleepy Hollow - Episode 0136

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Sleepy Hollow: “Their Heads Were Not Found Severed. Their Heads Were Not Found at All.”

Adam Sandler and Tim Burton both wear shoes. You heard it here first. You also heard the wildly disappointing rumor that Alf is inexplicably returning to television. Stay tuned for updates on this devastating possibility. Though Darth and Jason have ZERO proof, Michael Eisner is suspected.

Ichabod Crane is breathtakingly handsome in this haunting universe where mystery abounds and the Headless Horseman is simply a through line in a murderous inheritance scam.

Despite Tim Burton’s alterations to this famous folklore, Sleepy Hollow lives high up on the Alf to Seinfeld Scale. As a matter of fact, Darth and Jason value Sleepy Hollow over Beetlejuice. Deal with it.

There is so much to love about Sleepy Hollow. We have Miranda Richardson as a colonial Bond Villain. There is the awing presence of Professor Dumbledore, Uncle Vernon, Alfred, and Principal Rooney. Tim Burton built a town from scratch and Christina Ricci makes an appearance.

Above all, Darth Jader personally appreciates these three special aspects of the film:

Johnny Depp.Johnny Depp.Johnny Depp.

Skewed preferences be damned.

The burning question about this movie remains: Did Christopher Walken or Darth Maul play the Headless Horseman better? Neither of them speak throughout the movie, but people wind up cut in half wherever Ray Park appears. Darth and Jason can’t help but admire that.

This is the final installment of our Halloween season, but don’t lost your head, #Hindsighters. More episodes to come.