FEEL it to HEAL it

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#spirituality #healing #awakening

In 2017 I got a taste of my own medicine. The wheel of karma slowly came around and gave me a combination to the body, head and heart that I will never forget. During my life experience I had never felt safe in my intimate connections due to wounds of abandonment and rejection (childhood traumas) and so I had sabotaged almost all my relationships.

I lacked the integrity and knowledge to deal with my issues until I was on the end of what I had dished up in March 2017. When a lover wasn't honest with me, not telling me that she had been seeing someone else for 6 weeks prior to a phone call I made to her one night, it left me feeling devastated.

Her actions sent me into a deep phase of introspection and contemplation. I spent months sitting on my couch in the evenings looking at my curtains in silence. While in this meditative state I created the space for memories, experiences and emotions to percolate up into my momentary awareness. In a state of detachment, I felt into all that was uncomfortable and comfortable as I gave meaning to what had brought me to this place of mindfulness.

I transformed in that year, being deeply in my own frame, holding myself gently, forgiving myself, understanding why I had acted like I did in the past, and acknowledging that I needed to become the being I had always wanted to be. I could no longer let fear play a lead role in my life in any capacity.

As my former self slowly began to fade into obscurity, the death throes of who I had identified myself as being played out in my social life until I made the choice to be intimate with someone whom I loved dearly on NYE 2017/2018.

it was an extraordinary year...

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