Hey Fallout 76 Guess What?

When I won the lottery, I decided to share it with my ex-wife.

So I rang her and said, “Guess what, I won the jackpot.”

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Dude, guess what?

What?

I can’t believe they’re still together after all that crap they’ve been through?

Who?

My butt cheeks.

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I said to the wife, “Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in this road except one.”

She said, “I’ll bet it’s that stuck up Joanna at number 32.”

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I bought some of these flavored condoms the other day.

That night in bed, I said to my wife, “Let’s play a game – I put one on and you try to guess what flavor it is.”

She closed her eyes, went under the blanket and said, “Cheese and onion flavour.”

I said, “Wait! Give me time to put one on.”

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On his 16th birthday I thought my son deserved to know the truth about his being adopted.

So when he got home from school, I said to him, “Steve, do you mind sitting down, I’ve got something to tell you.”

“Dad, guess what?!” he shouted excitedly.

“Steve, this is important.” I urged.

“No way, Dad. Listen!”

“Steve. Please. Don’t make this hard for me. It’s about your mum and me.”

“Dad! Shut up! I’ve just won £250,000 on a scratch card!”

“That’s amazing son! Your old Dad’s really made up for you!”

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A teenage boy asks a girl out to prom and she says yes.

So he goes to the tuxedo shop, and there’s a huge line of people there, so he waits for 30 minutes, then an hour, and he finally gets his tuxedo.

Then, he needs to rent a limo, to look nice and formal and everything, so he walks into the limo rental shop, and again, there’s a huge line, so he waits for 30 minutes and then an hour goes by, then 2, and he finally gets his limo.

On the night of the prom, he pulls up to her house with the limo, and she gets in, and on their way to the prom building, a huge traffic jam happens! So they wait, and then 30 minutes goes by, then an hour, and they finally arrive at the building!

So they walk in, take some pictures, and dance for a bit, and after a while, the girl asks, “hey can you get us some punch?”

So the boy walks over to the punch bowl and guess what?

There’s no punchline.

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My wife told me that women were better at multi tasking than men.

So I told her to sit down and shut up.

Guess what – she couldn’t do either.