3 years ago

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How To Start A Conversation Over Text (For Grownups!)
By: Carlos Cavallo
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When you meet a guy or just want to start up a relationship with a man these days, you need to know how to start a conversation over text. Luckily, this isn't hard to do if you know what he is looking for.

Sometimes it's hard to come up with the right thing to say, especially if you're trying to make a good impression. And if you're over the age of 25, you may have a different focus.

These days our phones are our primary communication tool. Ironically, we mostly use them for everything else but calling friends and other people. Most of the time, we use our phones for texting only.

And, depending if you're an introvert or extrovert, you may find it difficult to think of what to say for that all-important first message. Some people might send a text without a thought but if you're like me you probably agonize over what to send in that text.

You don't want to come across as if you're needy or insecure. And you also don't want to embarrass yourself in the process.
You also don't want to appear as if you're not interested...
You also don't want to appear too interested...
It's no wonder that people go crazy thinking about this stuff.

IMPORTANT: What You Should Think About BEFORE Texting Him!
Consider that before you text the guy you should think about who it is you're really texting here.

Who Is he?
Is he a friend?
Is he a romantic interest?
Is he an acquaintance that you would like to turn into something more?
When you know these answers in advance, you will know what to do and what not to do much better.

Another question to ask is:

How Long Have You Known Each Other?
If you barely know the guy, you want to get as much information as you can to work with. This doesn't mean you want to flood him with a thousand text messages. But you do want to give up some information from yourself first.

Guys find it hard enough to text women in the first place, so you want to help them as much as possible.

Chances are he is wondering exactly the same thing you are: What to text you, and what not to text you. And if he doesn't have an answer, he will just not text you at all.

Which means you have the responsibility for getting this thing off the ground.

If you've known him for a while, they should have some familiarity. Which means you can be more playful with your messages.

But even then, it helps him if you offer up some effort into a thoughtful question for him.

What's Your Connection Level?
Another good question is how well-connected are you?

Assuming that this is a guy that you want to date, you should be thinking about how much connection you have with him. Remember that every communication you have with a man is an opportunity to connect deeper with him.

If you want him to invest himself in you, he needs your help in finding that emotional hook.

TIP: DON'T Start Texting Him With This...
There are a few things you definitely don't want to start with. Here are a few of them:

"Hey"
This is kind of the default for a lot of our text conversations. It's a simple, no-frills way to start a conversation with very little risk, but the problem is that it gives the other person nothing to work with to keep the text conversation going.

It's not easy to start a conversation with just a one word prompt. And it usually feels like the person who said "hey" is just trying to avoid a little vulnerability.

"Hello"
This one is right up there with "Hey." Again it's just too little for the other person to work with. Instead say something that gives them something.

"Hey You"
Yup, this is just another variation of "Hey."

"What's up?
This one isn't terrible, but it starts right out with an expectation that the other person needs to put the effort in first. Which is a little unfair considering you're starting the conversation. Instead, why not tell them what's up with you, then ask what's up with them.

Random Emoji
Some women like to send an emoji to a guy as a playful way to start a conversation. But again if you're not giving him any information, he's left thinking "WTF? What does she want?"

If you're confusing him, you're losing him.
One of my top bits of advice is to cut down on the amount of emojis you use with men. Guys simply don't use emojis in text all that much, and we sometimes have a hard time understanding what you're trying to communicate with them.

The easiest way to think about this is, if you -

Watch the video for the rest!

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Carlos Cavallo
Dating Advice Guru
http://www.datingadviceguru.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/carlosdatingguru
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How to start a conversation over text
https://youtu.be/LULjTAM_CyM