itn17f???(read the description)

3 years ago

D says going to watch football at 6:30, M asks what I want to watch, I say 'YOLO TX', (go to turn computer off, get caught by J getting his stuff out of back room) then immediately go to room (try to nap but get no sleep) I really REALLY wanted to see 'YOLO TX' but at this point I'd rather go to bed (sleep or not) at 6:30PM than even be in the same room with M & J (literally crying over being so weak😭- I'm sure anyone else could just sit through it for the show and then leave the room, but I left then because I knew I couldn't really enjoy it. M & J would disagree over every little thing shown or said and what's "REALLY fun" until the wrong thing is said and they turn it off and just argue instead of watching anything (the reason I would stay at all) [not to mention after that M would watch what J calls "crime waves" (dramas &/or documentaries) and J would brag/rage the whole time about how he has seen enough programs to know how it ends and that the whole law system/society is set up against 'The Male'] and I couldn't have just left once what I might have wanted to see was over (if it comes up in the rare times when it's just M & me, AT BEST M might say I 'don't have to just sit there and feel bad' because I 'have a lot (of chores) to do' but when it inevitably happens again and I get caught in the same room I get berated for 'not engaging' if I try to stay and for 'trying to run from reality' if I so much as squirm (while J AT BEST brags about 'feeling the EXACT same way' and 'having felt like that FIRST/longer' (YOU CAN AT LEAST FIGHT BACK now 😡) (then the chores have to wait until I'm even more exhausted and would need time and space to recover (which I can't really get anyway) and if I don't get to them before we finally get to bed D will want J to do them in the morning and the whole time thing starts again but worse because M & I failed to 'protect J from D'
Tonight I just give up and am going to "hide" (the best I can, they all know I'm in here) in my room until morning or AT LEAST until everyone else decides to go to their rooms (not going to happen because there's points to be argued)
But they're right, I can't run from reality, and I'm pretty sure anyone else could handle/not be bothered by this situation (#FirstWorldProblems)
p s- for driving convenience M scheduled my & J's physical therapy at the same time, so I'm now sentenced to 2 weeks of being stuck in the van (ZERO option of 'leaving the room') with M & J for as long as they want to 'talk/discuss' (the very thing that made co-OP classes that were probably "supposed to be" "fun" ABSOLUTE H E L L - how did I let this become my life??) 💀

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