June 21, 2021

there were 3 identical books in the back room since 2018 (1 for M, 1 for J, 1 for me), today J took all 3 to his room because he " didn't get his in the first place" "needs to see Gos helping him (thinks he's the only one with any problems)" and "didn't get any sleep last night so isn't feeling well" - M upset, "lets it slip" that she thinks he does this on purpose (no proof/evidence otherwise) so now J says he has the right/free reign to do worse on purpose from now on and it's her own fault (J /might, maybe/ "apologize" to me later, which of course puts me in position where I have to accept the apology)

(I have to keep myself convinced that this is as good as anything gets because (outsiders will say going thru this is my own fault for not leaving sooner, M will say 'it wasn't as always this bad, you are just against J and he's not going to like that') the fact remains this is as "safe" as I will ever be- I have no money, nowhere to go, and even if I did I could get stalked, kidnapped, tortured, and murdered just because, at any time and get no help because I'm the one who abandoned M/this "fAmilY")