September 1, 2021

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evidently J got some chocolate (sauce) at the commissary, D found a bottle in (either the pantry or the refrigerator) and says since we already had a big bottle that's how things get outdated, J says it was almost empty, D "IT AIN'T EMPTY!!"
(I wanted to run and hide, couldn't even get phone camera open in time, didn't even know we had any chocolate in the house or bought today - plus D had us wondering if he was actually going to get anything we actually needed THE WHOLE TIME IN THE STORE)
trying to stay alone, (already feel hypocritical going w/D anywhere, now bracing to end up stuck w/M & J when J blames/takes it out on M for D raising his voice again (when he could have not done so, plus M says to replace items before they completely run out, but now clear D would rather wait) (I can't "buy" that D does not know this and do it just because he won't face any consequences- one time he threatened to hit J if J raised his voice at D but J and M raise voices at each other most of most days with no consequences even when D is around)

I think back to the commissary, the cashier said "thank you for your service" to D when we first got there AND when we left -
He's (a veteran, but he) still a HORRIBLE parent!! we should thank ACTUALLY GOOD parents (whose kids can actually stand/aren't afraid of/don't HATE them, much less each other) for THEIR service, MILITARY OR NOT!!
(but I guess the #Society we live in values weapons over human beings, hence turning what were/would have been human beings into instruments of PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURE (then still letting them have, much less KEEP children, continuing the cycle)
(headache getting worse, praying it will 'let up' before the sun goes down so I can take a shower; didn't get any of the cupcakes D bought for the ride back right away, now ALL of them are missing, afraid to ask about them because "I don't NEED any junk food" and J would just use it as excuse to yell at J more anyway, so I try to tell myself that it's not a big deal...still sad)

please pray for me and help me get myself out of this toxic household at patreon.com/AchingForStrength and ko-fi.com/achingforstrength (thank you (in advance) for your support)

and to all good parents out there, thank you for your service