Morning Musings # 125 - Living a Sorry Human Life... living preemptively apologetic.

I was just contemplating the #hooponopono , the: I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you! And I know that is supposed to heal us on the inside and it does, it is. It is a very effective type of #prayer and #meditation , but it brought me back to the #memory of how much actually... how I constantly lived under this feeling of #shame toward #god .

And of course it was classified and cloaked as #humility , but I would live for so many years always saying "I am sorry please forgive me" to God, because I had such a low view of my #human #self . I was thoroughly consumed with the #belief that I am #nogood and basically I was never #measuringyou measuring up to the #perfection that God expected, or that in my belief I thought God expected.

God was so #perfect and I was so #small and imperfect #imperfectchristian , that every movement of my life became... well it was riddled with always thinking that... what's the next thing I am doing #wrong . So I was living in a perpetual state of expressing "I am sorry please forgive me" preemptively, because I thought I could never please God #pleasegod .

My human attempts and my #human #efforts were never measuring up to anything worthwhile. And so, I just remembered living in this subconscious state of perpetual sorry #iamsorry please #forgiveme , #iamsorrystatus I didn't even do anything terrible. It was just there because I had such a low view of my human self, that I would not dare lift my eyes up for fear of being #prideful . And as I was just considering the #hooponopono and the "I am sorry, please forgive me" is in there, it just brought that back.

And it was truly a sorry human state that I was living in, totally disconnected from God... totally unaware of who I am. And yeah those were #miserable years, those were miserable years of dis-empowerment and yeah who wants to be in that energetic #hell who wants to be around somebody like that? Nobody, really nobody.

And that was also part of my #aloneness and being so #lonely , because just like we cannot pull people into our #joy we can't pull people into our #loneliness . These are #emotions and #frequencies that each person is experiencing on their own within themselves, so it is not really a shared experience. You always feel sort of alone in those frequencies, but if you can master the #contentment and joyful and #grateful emotion, you know... it's not so bad to be alone in that. It is very life sustaining.

But now that I am #connected as one in God #awareness and know deep within me that "I am that", I never have to say "I am sorry please forgive me" on my own account for myself, I don't have anything to forgive myself. I am.. I see myself perfect, perfect even in my imperfection. It is divine imperfection; what the human mind would classify as imperfection, when everything is really perfect. But we call it imperfection when we are #selfcensoring and in self judgement, because of a #critical program that our minds have learned. And so we need to be #renewing our #mind from them old programs to the point where you never have to say I am sorry to yourself just for being alive and being human, you are a divine human!