Burt Reynolds is the Sexiest Cop in Atlanta! In 1981. Sharky's Machine is on Hindsight is Horrifying

There’s this call girl. She’s got a bad rap, see? She’s stuck with a murderous john who owns all the hookers in Atlanta; he puts her up in a nice penthouse with fabulous clothes and all the dance classes she could ask for. It’s up to a ruggedly handsome vice cop to rescue her and give her the run-down home of her dreams in a ghetto part of the city so they can live happily ever after next to a playground of noisy ass kids. This dream house may not have a bed with a frame, but it has a lovely window seat with a rose carving, perfect for peeping on the local children at play.

Now that we think about it, Sharky’s Machine may be the literal opposite story of Pretty Woman. This rendition of Dirty Harry Goes to Atlanta is a drama-packed, vice-ridden tale of Burt Reynolds (quasi-legally) stalking and sometimes slapping a hooker with whom he falls in love from afar. Don’t worry, he’s still focused on cleaning up the city streets. He might lose a few fingers in the process, but good ol’ Sharky will see to it that we ATLiens can enjoy our city without the worry of those awful out-of-staters.

Join Darth, Adam, and Jason for the mustache ride that is Sharky’s Machine.