Do You Really Want Unconditional Love?

Do you really want unconditional love?

Early in our sidewalk conversation, a young man named Julian told me he left the Jehovah Witness congregation that he grew up in because he is gay. He didn't feel truly accepted there, and I know he would probably have felt the same in most Christian churches as well.

I didn't dwell on his sexual attraction in our conversation, but later on talked quite a bit about what it means to be loved "unconditionally". Many people say they want to be accepted unconditionally at church, but do they really? Do we want to be loved because of who we are, or in spite of who we are?

Conditional love means there are conditions attached - "I love you because you are friendly", or "I love you because you do x or y". In effect, conditional love must celebrate something about you.

Unconditional love, on the other hand, means love without conditions attached. This means we are loved despite our shortcomings, and it also means the things we want to be noticed or appreciated about ourselves are not factored in.

So, given those observations, do you want to be loved conditionally or unconditionally?

Our Judeo-Christian heritage teaches us to love - or at least respect and give dignity to - others unconditionally simply because we are all made in God's image. We honor our Creator by honoring our fellow image-bearers.

The Bible also tells us we are to love and care for our family members simply because they are, well, family. We are to love them, even if we may not especially like them, because it is part of our responsibility to God.

In the same way, we are to love and honor our spiritual family - our church family - even if we don't particularly like them or feel much in common with them. A healthy church family has fellowship between people of many different ages, economic groups, and cultures despite our differences. This, too, honors the Heavenly Father we share in common.

But we need to be honest and acknowledge that for us as Christians, unconditional love is an ideal, not the reality. We have many mixed motives, and we are often confused as to how to express that love, especially when we see people choosing less than God's best. Much of our conditional love is usually somehow based on self-interest, but our unconditional love for others is ultimately based on what honors God.

As Christians, we should know that God has chosen to love us in spite of our sins, not because He finds us so adorably lovable and simply can't help Himself. When we love others in the same way, we can celebrate what honors God in others, not what just makes them happy or unique.

God chooses to love us just as we are, but He also loves us too much to allow us to stay this way. His unconditional love can be a very tough love, concerned not so much about how we feel right now but what is best for our long-term benefit. This sort of unconditional love in turn may teach us to tolerate less than God's best in others, but please don't ask us to celebrate it.

Many people say they want unconditional love, but I believe this is actually what offends people most about the Gospel. The conditional love the world offers can make us feel good about ourselves as long we associate with like-minded people who support our choices and as we support theirs. It's at the core of the group-think that deceives so many.

But in the Kingdom of Heaven, God offers to adopt us into the family of believers, where we can experience a tough, but unconditional love despite the consequences for our sin that we truly deserve.