20 Best Short Funny DAD JOKES #39

#dadjokes #shortjokes #oneliners

1. My friend was bragging his new 3D printer can print a gun.
I wasn’t impressed, I’ve had a Canon printer for years!
2. Did you know milk is the fastest liquid on the planet?
It’s pasteurized before you see it.
3. What did 50 cent do when he was hungry?
58.
4. Who has two butts and kills people?
Assassins.
5. I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.
Apparently people don't like it when you go the extra mile for them.
6. I went to the moon, and it wasn't great.
It had no atmosphere at all.
7. After making a pasta dinner, my wife said “Oh no, I forgot the Parmesan cheese.”
“It’s okay” I said, “No Parm, no foul.”
8. Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch.
Yeti never complains.
9. How do you stop 2 deaf people arguing?
Turn off the light.
10. I've been searching all over YouTube for my favorite U2 song
But I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For.
11. What do you call a donkey with breathing problems?
Ass-matic.
12. Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
13. What type of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
14. How are the movies *The Titanic* and *The Sixth Sense* alike?
Icy dead people.
15. Mr. and Mrs. Wong had a baby. Why did they name it 'Left'?
Because two Wong's don’t make a Right.
16. When you thought you’ve just about heard all the dad jokes already, I present you with this one.
1.
17. Whenever my wife is upset I let her color in my black and white tattoos.
She just really needed a shoulder to crayon.
18. Why do teenage girls walk in groups of 3, 5, and 7?
Because they literally can’t even.
19. I spotted an albino dalmatian today.
It was the least I could do.
20. My wife and I were really happy for 20 years.
Then we met.