#39 (@Chris Williamson ) Modern Wisdom

Chatting with Candice
Chris Williamson
Episode Run Time: 01:32:33

Chris Williamson is the host of the podcast Modern Wisdom. After being a club promoter for over a decade, running more than a thousand events, and most famously appearing on Love Island, Chris, tired of the party scene, started the podcast to expand his purview. Although he still runs club nights, he now spends most of his time hosting his show, a job he can’t believe he is paid to do. He also has a Master’s degree in International Marketing, which he uses to make the most of his events. In this episode, I talk to Chris about his time on reality shows, learning from relationships, and how taking responsibility for your life can be liberating.

[00:00:57] Introducing Chris Williamson
[00:12:58] Leaving reality television
[00:18:37] People eventually forget your past
[00:20:28] Shifting from reality TV to hosting a podcast
[00:22:38] Learning from relationships
[00:25:32] Healthy and unhealthy levels of jealousy
[00:33:11] The evolution of marriage and the upward trend in divorce
[00:38:37] The value of tradition and ritual in society
[00:43:23] Long term relationships, marriage, and biological imperatives
[01:01:40] Predetermination, agency, and locus of control
[01:10:56] Turning the volume down on your thoughts
[01:24:31] Journaling and self-help are feminine?
[01:25:30] Chris’s TEDx Talk

Even though he believes his podcasting work is way more exciting and valuable, Chris still fields tons of questions online about reality tv. Fans of Love Island regularly get in touch with him, asking for tips on how to get onto similar shows. He believes that “instant fame” is appealing, and many people realize it requires a relatively small amount of work.

We all believe that our internal state is far richer than everybody else’s. Fans see reality tv as “free fame” and as their chance to be plucked out of obscurity just for existing. Chris is concerned that the obsession with reality television and its potential for instant fame sends the wrong message about success and how we all should measure our efforts. According to Chris, the vast majority of people within the industry are miserable, which is part of the reason he left. Because they anchor their identities to the roles they play, stars of reality shows often experience a crisis of identity when trying to build a life outside of the industry.
Although we all should expect some level of healthy jealousy, superabundant jealousy is a sign of a bigger problem. If we experience a lot of jealousy, we must consider what we need to lessen the emotion’s intensity and frequency. We may crave reassurance and affirmation from our partners. Transparency and communication often solve most issues in a relationship. We should learn to convey our needs effectively if we want something different. For many men, jealousy feels shameful. Admitting to jealousy is acknowledging insecurity, which is “unmasculine”.

Seeing relationships fail has jaded Chris’s view of them. He believes that catastrophe and disaster are the rules with relationships, not the exception. Accepting that liberates you from some fears that spark your jealousy. It is imperative to find compatibility with values, schedules, and life plans. When you settle down with someone, you need to have difficult conversations. If your partner wants to have children and you do not, you are fundamentally incompatible, and things will end badly.

Chris describes himself as spiritual as opposed to religious. He does not believe in fate per se, but rather that he can make things work. Chris is hesitant to attribute the sum of his life to a higher power and instead takes responsibility for his intentional actions to create and rectify outcomes. He believes the idea of fate takes away your agency and strips you of any acknowledgment for your hard work and creative problem-solving.

You are the common denominator in all your life experience; there is an internal locus of control. If you encounter a particular result consistently, it is because of you. It is more likely that it is because of you than it is because of the world. When you start to see life in this way, it can be very liberating but challenging. There is an appeal in believing that things are happening to you rather than being accountable and accepting responsibility for your life. Consistent results follow a consistent input.

Links and Resources
Chris’s Website https://chriswillx.com/
Chris’s Podcast: Modern Wisdom https://chriswillx.com/modernwisdom/
Chris’s Instagram https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx/
Chris’s Twitter https://twitter.com/ChrisWillx