3 years ago

101

#johnnydepp #amberheard #jokes

1. Why did Johnny Depp lose his court case?
Because he didn't have Heard immunity.

2. Johnny Depp gets so immersed in his characters that I can never tell if its him or not...
I guess i have really bad Depp perception.

3. What's in Johnny Depps toilet?
Amber Turd.

4. Winona Ryder says ex Johnny Depp was never violent with her. And OJ's first wife says he never killed her before.

5. What is Johnny Depp’s go-to workout video?
Pilates of the Caribbean.

6. Johnny Depp once joked about assassinating the president, but what do you call a dead actor?
A corpse.

7. What does Johnny Depp say when cutting down trees?
TIMBER TON.

8. In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75. In Trinidad and Tobago, a chicken pie is £2.50. In St Thomas cherry pies are £2.75. Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean!

9. Why did Amber Heard and Charlie Sheen's secret lovechild take his father's name instead of his mother's?
Because children should be sheen and not heard.

10. Why couldn't Johnny fart in peace?
Amber Heard.

11. The court case has given Johnny Depp a mental issue.
He has Depp-ression.

12. Why did Johnny Depp run after the PA system announcement?
He HEARD an AMBER alert!

13. What made Johnny Depp sick in the 90's?
Winonavirus.

14. Johnny Depp missed court today to give a written statement ,he went on vacation instead. Worse yet, he didn't tell his lawyers where he was going.
He forgot to give them his Depp position.

15. What do you call an actor that spent all his money?
Johnny Debt.

16. "I shot the sheriff!" Johnny said.
"But you didn't shoot. Depp, you tease!" Amber said.

17. I know this guy that fixes traffic lights for a living. He's just recently got a new girlfriend.
Her name's Amber.