20 Best Funny DAD Jokes #34

#dadjokes #jokes #funny

1. I just found out that Albert Einstein was a real person!
All this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist.

2. My daughter wanted to start putting on makeup, which I agreed. Then she said she was going to shave her eyebrows.
That’s where I draw the line.

3. What pronouns would Michael Jackson have used as Gender Identifier?
HE. HE.

4. What genre do national anthems fall under?
Country.

5. I got the terrible news that Dad was pronounced dead.
Can't believe I've been saying it wrong this whole time.

6. Don't be worried about your smartphone and TV spying on you.
Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years!

7. If you smack Dwayne Johnson's bottom...
You've officially hit rock bottom.

8. Statistics show that Russian roulette is actually a popular game.
1 in 6 people find it mind blowing.

9. What has 4 legs, is green, and if it falls out of a tree can kill you?
A pool table.

10. What do you call Emotional Baggage after someone’s death?
A griefcase.

11. What do you call a communist sniper?
A Marxman.

12. I heard they voted to remove daylight saving time.
I won’t lose any sleep over it.

13. My wife told me sex is ten times better on holiday.
Worst postcard I ever got!

14. What do you call two dudes that love maths?
Algebros.

15. What does a Jedi's broken roof do?
Leak Skywater.

16. How many girlfriends do priests have?
Nun.

17. Why do blind people hate skydiving?
It scares the hell out of their dogs.

18. Why was the clock in the buffet always wrong?
It kept going back 4 seconds.

19. Why do sharks like salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

20. I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid.
But I can stop at any time.

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