The Protest Show with Thor Ramsey: How To Tell the Difference Between a Group of Idiots and a Coup
Welcome to the Idiocracy—Banana Joe’s Republic, episode 5 of Season 2. I’m your host and Domestic Cuddly-Fluff, Thor Ramsey, fighting the rising tide of wokeness one joke at a time.
Today, I’m pretending that we have a live-studio audience who have been up all night celebrating their lack of participation in the events of January 6th, a day that will live on in the infancy of Kamala Harris’s mind. All that to say, one take is all I get and if I flub, well, another jokes bites the dust.
And now, our first joke on the teleprompter. Hey, stay with me, people! It’s not my fault you were up all night celebrating.
Former Vice President Dick Cheney visited the House of Representatives with his daughter Liz on January 6th where they observed a moment of silence for Joy Reid’s career.
Our main subject today: How To Tell the Difference Between a Group of Idiots and a Coup.
In countries where coup’s actually happen, the insurrectionists don’t stop and take selfies. “This war was won on Instagram!”
You can tell it’s a group of idiots rather than true insurrectionists if before storming the Capital they share a joint.
It was disgraceful and many deserve to be prosecuted, but it wasn’t exactly Pearl Harbor. Shoot, I remember a fight in Junior High that had more action.
Yet, CNN described it as 1,000 times worse than 9/11. This same reporter has also said a pimple on the end of your nose is 1,000 worse than cancer. I should put it in context, though. That pimple did appear the night of prom.
Real insurrectionists don’t have their mom drop them off.
If a mob hunts down politicians in a real insurrection, they catch them. And soon there are bodies hanging from the overpass. The only thing hanging from the overpass on January 6 was Nancy Pelosi’s expression. Because of botox, she can’t look shocked naturally, thus the eyebrows.
Real insurrectionists don’t eat hamburgers that are plant-based alternatives, because real insurrectionists have you for lunch.
A group of idiots says, “We’re committing a coup. And I hope it’s made by Ford, because Ford coups are American made.”
That’s our program for today. I want to thank our director, Jefferson Drexler, our executive producer, Joel Fieri, our social media master, Danny Avila, and my co-writer Ron McGehee. I’d also like to thank Ron Bass for our new intro graphics.
If you liked this episode, but sure to click like, because there is no “loved it” button. Even if you only found it mildly amusing, click like, because we might be funnier in the future. If you want to fight the rising tide of wokeness in this country, click like because at least we’re trying. And please subscribe, because that’s the most meaningful vote of all.
I’m Thor Ramsey and I hope you’re less woke, America.
For more episodes, visit ChristianPodcastCentral.com
And be sure to subscribe to CPC’s YouTube Channel as well!
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The Protest Show: Why Joe Biden's Body Double is Polling Higher Than He Is
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Welcome to the Idiocracy—Banana Joe’s Republic!. I’m your host and Spell Check Fact Checker, Thor Ramsey, fighting the rising tide of wokeness one joke at a time.
As you can see from our set, season 2 of The Protest Show has been upgraded, thanks in large part to our new sponsor. Today’s show is NOT sponsored by Chevrolet. What’s odd about sponsorship is that if Chevrolet paid me to say that, there wouldn’t be a problem. But if I say it for free, they can sue me. (Maybe they got it mixed up, because I know in AA you’re not supposed to talk about your sponsor. At least that’s what it said on Hunter’s laptop.)
And here I thought “word of mouth” was the best advertisement, not that I would ever buy a Chevrolet, which is why they’re only our fake sponsor.
It all makes sponsorship very confusing. I guess some companies feel they have so much clout that they only want to associate with programs that have deep pockets, which is to say 99 percent of the products in your local grocery store would sue me if I mentioned them.
But this set is an upgrade. Thanks to all the work I lost during the COVID crisis, both of our cars were repossessed, so now I can use the entire garage for the show instead of just part of it.
At least I think they were repossessed. They could have just been stolen. Either way, the guy was wearing a mask.
Today’s program is actually sponsored by The Life Size Cardboard Cutout of Kyle Rittenhouse. Simply place it in your window for home protection. “Is your house a Rittenhouse?”
Now, for our first official segment of season two.
You may have seen this story last year (probably not if you watch CNN, MSNBC, PBS or any of the other lame stream media), but it’s completely true. (Yeah, it’s a satirical news program, except for this part.) Kamala Harris hired a lookalike to attend an event in her place. That’s right. She hired someone to impersonate her. Now we know why they’ve kept the mask mandates in place? She shamefully appropriated the Ninja culture. Ninjas everywhere are outraged. You hear that? [Nothing.] That’s the sound of a peaceful protest.
It was obvious the impersonator wasn’t Kamala, because she didn’t cackle every 30 seconds. And she slipped up when she said she had been to the border.
Or was it a lookalike?
What we discovered about Kamala’s motives for having a body double is that it wasn’t about fear of safety, it was about fear of judgment. She found someone who looked better in her outfits. She was battling body shaming with body shamming.
The bad news is that Joe Biden also has a lookalike, but he’s been polling higher than President One-hundred-and-Eighty-million-wink-wink.
Our crack team of investigative journalists (though we’re trying to get them help for their addiction) has uncovered why the body double is polling higher than the actual Biden. And here are the reasons…
Why Joe Biden’s Body Double is Polling Higher Than He Is
He’s someone other than Joe Biden. I mean, if we’re going to have a fake president, then let’s have a fake president.
Whenever you see an interview with Biden and he’s speaking clear and coherently—that’s the double.
A lot of noteworthy individuals have used lookalikes—Fidel Castro, Kim Jong-un and Queen Amidala from the Star Wars prequels. And lest we forget, Jan Brady did in one of Brady Bunch episodes.
Why Joe Biden’s Body Double is Polling Higher Than He Is:
Even Jill couldn’t tell the difference. And she’s a doctor. But to be fair, he was asleep during the colonoscopy.
If our president’s going to fake it, then we need a better actor. So, a body double only makes sense.
Besides, a fake president works better with fake news.
Other reasons the lookalike is polling higher:
His daughter didn’t lose her diary. And his son doesn’t even own a laptop.
He can walk up an entire flight of stairs without falling.
When he pulls his hair back, he doesn’t have horns.
He lives in the East Wing, which is where all the Biden administration policies are coming from.
If you liked this episode, but sure to click like, because there is no “loved it” button. Even if you only found it mildly amusing, click like, because we might be funnier in the future. If you want to fight the rising tide of wokeness in this country, click like to join a truly peaceful protest. And please subscribe, because that’s the most meaningful vote of all.
I’m Thor Ramsey and I hope you’re less woke America.
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The Protest Show with Thor Ramsey: Reasons We Believe Jussie Smollett's Attack Wasn't a Hoax
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Welcome to the Idiocracy—Banana Joe’s Republic, episode 4 of Season 2. I’m your host and hoax crime strategist, Thor Ramsey, fighting the rising tide of wokeness one joke at a time.
Today’s topic, along with some bonus Kamala Harris jokes, is…
Reasons We Believe Jussie Smollett’s
Attack Wasn’t a Hoax
In his own testimony, Smollett said he didn’t notice the noose around his neck until later. He thought the noose around his neck might have been a gift… or possibly foreplay of some kind.
It could have been a message, like, “I want to tie the knot…” Or “Do you want to hang with me?” Remember, the brothers accused of attacking him were Nigerian, which really isn’t the issue. They were bodybuilders, so English of speaking was not the language of which they spoke in tongue well like me.
Another reason I believe Jussie Smollett’s attack wasn’t a hoax:
Because I love Subway too and I’d brave subzero temperatures for a meatball footlong. Even if I was rich and famous. Besides, Jared’s a pedophile, so you can imagine that lots of people want to beat up people who are seen with a Subway sandwich in their hands.
Along with Smollett, we believe the two brothers are lying because they both told him, “We can keep a secret.”
Jussie worked out with the two brothers. We think the brothers were there as dedicated trainers who were just trying to knock an unauthorized sandwich out of Jussie’s hands. Better a swollen eye than a swollen belly.
Besides, this is a plot stolen from The Pink Panther films with Peter Sellers that no one watches anymore, so Jussie wouldn’t even know to copy such a thing. Remember, Jussie’s an actor. You have to give him his lines. He’s not a writer. “Line?” “This is MAGA country?” It’s Chicago! Even a bad writer wouldn’t expect us to believe someone would say that, which is why it must be true.
And if he really wanted to pull off a hoax in front of security cameras, why would he hire two black men? I’ll tell you why. For far too many years, redneck white men have been played by white men only. That practice is so discriminatory. If Jussie did stage this, then all I have to say is that his heart was in the right place. “If only that camera was working. That song and dance number would have blown everyone away. Ten months of rehearsal down the drain.” Hey, the Sharks and Jets dance when they fight.
Even if Jussie was faking it, that’s what actors do—they fake it. For a living. I think he should be commended for really committing to his craft even while under oath.
Besides, this case shows how much progress we’ve made in America, when you’re so privileged that you have to hire a couple of guys to be racists. But I don’t think Jussie’s that unoriginal—to pull a page directly out of the Democratic playbook and stage a white supremacy incident.
Disappointingly, he was found guilty on 5 of 6 counts. The count he wasn’t found guilty on was shooting the cinematographer.
Further investigation has revealed that right before Alec Baldwin’s handgun fired on it’s own, it yelled, “This is MAGA country!” (This will no doubt be the most obvious joke on the subject.)
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Witchcraft, Violence, Yoga and Climate Change | What You’ve Been Searching For
These are questions that I really didn't think I could get a full podcast out of, but I do have some thoughts on them and you have asked them.
https://christianpodcastcentral.com/witchcraft-violence-yoga-and-climate-change-what-youve-been-searching-for/
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Summit Lecture Series: Occam's razor
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Summit Lecture Series: Case for Gospel Reliability
https://christianpodcastcentral.com/summit-lecture-series-case-for-gospel-reliability/
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What Do Christians Get Wrong About Racial Reconciliation? | What You’ve Been Searching For
Now if we want to define what we as Christians or we as a society, the thing that I think we get wrong about racial reconciliation is we forget what we got right about racial reconciliation.
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Summit Lecture Series: Impersonal vs Personal forces
There are impersonal forces and there are personal forces. Whatever the force is that starts the universe, it's one of these two categories. Does that make sense? Impersonal forces are like gravity.
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Summit Lecture Series: The Big Bang
You know we're in a universe that has a beginning because you can't be in any other kind of universe and talk about it because of this law, the law of infinite regress.
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Carty’s Contemporary Classics - Justice, Mercy, Grace & Cold Showers
See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God. Now to understand grace, need to understand a couple words. Justice and mercy.
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Can Christians hate Gay people, other religions and atheists? | What You’ve Been Searching For
The key phrase in this question is not gays, different religions, atheists, or any other group you can put on it in this question. The key phrase in this question is the word hate.
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Summit Lecture Series: The Cosmological Argument
Now we're going to talk about something right now called big bang cosmology, when I say the universe has a beginning and how that supports the existence of God.
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Life Grounded: Who Benefits When A Woman Aborts Her Child?
Do women benefit when they choose abortion? Do men? Do children? How should a truly progressive society respond to unplanned pregnancies? Who truly benefits?
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