The MotleyB Network

Jason dove the wreck of the SS Benwood this weekend (thanks to the great folks at Diventures). It was a heck of a dive! To celebrate, we at MotleyB Media spun his half-assed attempts at underwater cinematography into a half-assed tribute to Wes Anderson's "The Life Aquatic." A huge thanks to the team at Rainbow Reef in Key Largo for all their work during the trip!

Jason has a list. It's a list of very, very bad movies. Movies that are as bad as they are...free to watch. Alien Conquest tells the touching story of Tom Sizemore's battle with addiction and recovery, set against the backdrop of the most implausible alien invasion since "Hobgoblins." Enjoy this incompetent ripoff of "War of the Worlds" on Hindsight is Horrifying!

Jason had the chance to swim with whale sharks (and a lot more) at the Georgia Aquarium's Ocean Voyager Exhibit! If you're a scuba diving enthusiast and you live in the Atlanta area, do yourself a favor...go dive with the gentle giants! Many thanks to the great folks at SeaVentures in Alpharetta for organizing this trip! And many thanks to the great team at the Georgia Aquarium who made this an unforgettable experience! FYI. This video is a modified version of the video provided by the aquarium. It's been made a bit more cinematic. Enjoy!

Cows are running around in rain boots and Batman is suddenly Conrad Birdie. Confused? You probably still will be even after you join Darth, Jason, and Adam for their discussion of "Top Secret!" Val Kilmer makes all the ladies swoon (even the frighteningly underaged ones) as Nick Rivers, American rock star turned secret agent/freedom fighter and slapstick comedy enthusiast. Yes, this movie really is that silly. Don’t believe us? Tune in and find out why bestiality “can” be funny. Though, as professional, scientific podcasters, we maintain that either Nigel or the cow should have been wearing a dress.

Everyone knows about Bluetooth technology. We use it to pair phones with just about everything. But did you know the word 'Bluetooth' comes from the name of a Viking King? Listen up as Darth Jader tells you the tale of Harald Bluetooth, son of Gorm the Old. Word Tales is the show where you learn the origin of the words you say! It's etymology (only really fun). Curious about the meaning of a word? This is the show for you!

You've heard and said 'Flash Mob' a million times. But do you know where the term comes from? Surprisingly, it's origins lie in some epic works by one of the greatest science fiction authors in history: Larry Niven. Word Tales is the show where you learn the origin of the words you say! It's etymology (only really fun). Curious about the meaning of a word? This is the show for you!

“Let’s go, baby! Let’s work!” Did you ever consider the hitman’s feelings when he kidnaps you? You will when you watch this trashtastic piece of cinema starring Lou Diamond Phillips, Marky Mark, and Mark Wahlberg! For real, #Hindsighters, what innocent catholic schoolgirl doesn’t dream about falling victim to kidnaping and inevitable Stockholm Syndrome when they’re taken hostage by someone as hot as Marky Mark? #Hindsighters, forget about Christina Applegate (we’re kidding; even Darth knows that’s not possible) and focus on the jailbait that is China Chow in this hot cinematic nonsense. What’s the one lesson your intrepid podcasters have learned from this movie, you ask? Sensual, non-consensual cooking inevitably leads to kosher takeout.

Darth Jader has often ruminated upon the derivation of the words she implements in everyday life. Do you not? Welcome to Word Tales, where Darth and Adam finally got rid of Jason long enough to create relevant material on the Internet. Normally, Darth would advise you #Motelybrew to read a book to learn something new. However, why commit to such an archaic activity when you could watch a video starring such obviously attractive faces meant for radio? Tune in and train your brain for learning with #WordTales! Word Tales makes etymology fun. What are we saying? Etymology was always fun! Watch to learn the history and origin of the words you say.

Welcome to Word Tales, where Darth and Adam have the opportunity to share the origins of the words we use on a regular basis! Normally, Adam would beseech you #Motelybros and #Motleyhoes to read a book to better yourselves. But let’s face it, hasn’t #Youtube replaced books already? Your cynical etymologists hope that’s not true, but they are willing to stoop to the use of technology in order to teach you something you might not have known before. Word Tales is the show where you learn the origin of the words you say! It's etymology (only really fun). Curious about the meaning of a word? This is the show for you!

#Hindsighters, what do you do with your general existence after being held captive for the first 16 years of your life? Evolve into a wolf woman, of course! More importantly, what do Darth, Jason, and Adam do as they welcome the most famous guest star they’ve ever tricked on to their podcast? They shamelessly brag about having Collin Kelly-Sordelet, star of the Wildling, on their show. For the record, loyal #Hindsighters (or anyone who might be opposed), Darth Jader herself coined the term for Collin’s fan base. As the marketing pioneer for such a talented man, Darth has appointed herself as the first official Sordelady. Go watch the Wildling today! Do it!

This week's episode is dedicated to Jason's old friend. Dr. Rodney "Jason" Hatfield passed away suddenly on 14 July. He was a great human being and an outstanding family man. He will be missed. Hindsighters, please consider donating to the Rodney “Jason” Hatfield memorial scholarship which will benefit Dr. Hatfield’s children. Here's the link: https://www.paypal.com/donate?hosted_button_id=X32KL2BTRBD7E What to say about this week's episode? Well, it's a classic of American cinema more relevant now than ever. It's the 1976 comedy that became a drama: Network.

Katie's back! This week, the gang (minus Jason) return to the Mummy-verse. Not that one. No, not that one either. Yeah, that one. Let's get this over with. “It’s a bird, a stork!”: NO! It’s The Mummy Returns, where Egyptian history is made up and the reincarnation points don’t matter. #Hindsighters, your beloved Darth Jader is not embarrassed to admit that, as a child, she thought scarab beetles would be a much larger problem in her adult life than even quicksand, all due to what cartoons and mummy movies may have taught her. Despite their combined efforts, Darth, Adam, and Katie cannot discern whether dying by scarabs, quicksand, or piranhas is worse. Ultimately, there is no need to fret, loyal listeners, because we know that our Desert Daddy will always come to the rescue, no matter our continent of adventure or residence. Enough about Oded Fehr (no such thing). Let’s talk about Brendan Fraser, and Rachel Weisz, and John Hannah, and Patricia Velasquez. Don’t feel neglected, Arnold Vosloo, because no one could forget your remarkably smooth portrayal of Imhotep; we would build sandcastle faces and crash dirigibles with you any time. Meanwhile, no one is concerned about the Cousin Oliver of The Mummy franchise, despite the fact that Alex is the necessary through-line for the plot of this picture (not to mention the somewhat adorably smart-arsed amalgam of Rick, Evie, and Jonathan). The inevitable lessons that you must take from The Mummy Returns are as follows: 1. Whether facing pygmies or velociraptors, don’t go in the long grass. 2. Knowing Ancient Egyptian is handy whether you’re reincarnating your recently murdered mother or destroying the god-awful CGI version of Dwayne Johnson. 3. DO NOT stick your fingers or hands into the eye sockets of the undead or ancient Egyptian glory holes. In either instance, you’ll end up covered in goo. Oddly enough, The Mummy and The Mummy Returns drive home the most important lesson of life: Mortality blows. Fellas, take note that even reincarnated lives can be short. It doesn’t matter what army you control or which bug king you kill. If Imhotep liked it, he should have put a ring on it (but only with the Scorpion King’s diamond on top because now Jonathan’s going to lose that bling in a card game). Until next time, fellow Egyptologists. This has been #Hindsight, and good night.

The gang is back from their adventure with sharks at the Georgia Aquarium. In honor of that, they've decided to watch a movie about attractive people getting in the water with sharks. It's essentially the same story, albeit with somewhat more death and nearly 12% more creepy Louisiana guy with bad teeth. It's the 2011 sexy teen / bikini / coming of age / friendship / horror / comedy / romance movie "Shark Night," directed by the guy who made Snakes on a Plane. And Ted from Schitt's Creek is in it! “Ted, we don’t have time for a tourniquet!” – Darth Jader In case it isn’t obvious, the huge selling point of this click-bite movie is that Ted from Schitt’s Creek is in it. Beloved #Hindsighters, your fearless gang is back from their spine-tingling adventure with sharks at the Georgia Aquarium. In honor of Darth, Jason, and Adam’s first underwater adventure together (thanks to SeaVentures), your beloved podcasters decided to watch a movie about attractive people being eaten by the sharks who clearly trained for the Sharkour Olympics.

The gang hooked up with the great folks at SeaVentures Dive Center in Alpharetta to pay a visit to some friendly sharks. Darth, Adam, and Jason were lucky enough to dive in the shark infested waters of the Georgia Aquarium's new Predators of the Deep shark exhibit! We're very thankful to the staff at the Georgia Aquarium (especially our crew: Tanya, Luis, Nate, and Lauren S.), and to SeaVentures' Michael Drago who organized and led the trip. It was amazing!

Ed Wood was more than a man...so much more. By that, we mean he was a director. No, a filmmaker. A filmmaker who fought against the Hollywood machine to make crappy movies that have entertained generations of insomniacs (and MST3K fans). And to think he did it in drag. Join Jason, Darth, and Adam B. as they watch the 1994 Tim Burton "bio" pic about this enigmatic hero from cinema history. Not only is it a magnificent film, but it represents arguably the finest collaboration between Johnny Depp and Tim Burton. Add to that stellar performances from Martin Landau, Bill Murray, Sarah Jessica Parker, Patricia Arquette, and more, and you have a recipe for cinematic greatness. And to think, Adam B. does the whole episode in drag. Full circle, folks. More about Mr. Edward D. Wood, Jr.: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ed_Wood "Ed Wood" on IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt010970 More about Hindsight is Horrifying: https://hindsight.show

Adam B. and Joe Lara in the same movie? That's right! Prepare yourselves for our most special episode ever, #Hindsighters! And now it's been REMASTERED! Word has gotten out (thanks to Australia) about our little podcast, and, believe it or not, we’ve drawn some Hollywood attention. This week, Darth and Jason welcome a guest who is the actual star of the movie at hand for this episode, Strike Zone. That star is … Adam Brown! Try to curb your enthusiasm; Jason was really just getting back at Darth for tricking him into watching Mean Girls the week previous. In all seriousness, #Hindsighters, join your favorite podcasters for a first-hand perspective on a movie with the one actor who delivered a believable performance! Don your tube tops, negotiate your black market arms deal, and enjoy the 2000 cinematic classic, Strike Zone! https://hindsight.show

Tonight, on a very special episode of Hindsight is Horrifying, host Adam B. picks a movie in tribute of the late actor Joe Lara. Fans will remember that Adam and Joe worked together on the action movie, "Strike Zone," which we previously reviewed. Unfortunately, given Joe's repertoire, pickings were slim so we ended up with "Tarzan in Manhattan." It's a 1989 pilot movie for a show that never went to series. After watching, we were surprised that it was actually kinda good. Sort of. Enjoy Tony Curtis, Joe Lara, Jan Michael-Vincent, and other human beings in this romantic crime thriller noire detective comedy drama. God, don't you miss the eighties?

Adam and Jason are AWOL this week, so Darth has to call in an elite pair of guest hosts. Rejoice, fans, for Katie and Young Adam are back! Being hip kids down with the streets, etc., the guests picked a topical movie from 1994. It's Kevin Smith's debut film: Clerks.

It's time to celebrate! Why? Because the Hindsight is Horrifying Year of Hell is over! Now the hosts can turn to some palette cleansing titles sure to brings smiles to cynical faces everywhere. And what works better at palette cleansing than gravy? How about gravy for your brain? On this week's show, the hosts (sans Adam B., who is off doing something called 'sec tourism') venture down the rabbit hole with the 1997 thriller/comedy "Conspiracy Theory." It's time to settle in and enjoy Mel Gibson, Julia Roberts, and Patrick Stewart (in a role that will surprise you).

The gang wrap up their Year of Hell early, and boy do they go out with a bang. In this week's episode, Jason revels in forcing Darth and Adam to suffer through Alejandro Jodorowsky's "The Holy Mountain." That's right, the gang sits through the Most Painful Movie Ever Made. Enjoy. Well, we say enjoy...

The gang is nearly done with their Year of Hell, which in fact lasted just under five months. What can we say, we're wimps. This week was Darth's final pick, and she came from left field with a movie that is...good? Great, actually, but emotionally quite painful. It's the 1999 Tom Hanks film "The Green Mile." Not since "Brian's Song" have so many tears been shed by such hollow husks of people. Enjoy! And join us next week when the gang are forced to watch Alejandro Jodorowsky's "The Holy Mountain," a movie that earned the title of Most Painful Movie Ever Filmed©.

And now a moving tale of resurrection. Like the Bible, only the resurrection is a continuity error, and the movement is of the bathroom variety. As our Year of Hell continues, the hosts must endure a movie made watchable only by the good people at MST3K. We're doing the Cameron Mitchell classic(?) sci-fi schlock-fest Space Mutiny. Enjoy. Or don't, I'm not your boss.

Still with this Year of Hell? Yep. And this week Darth brings something truly horrible. Horrible to sit through that is. It's the 1987 children's introduction to light BDSM: The Brave Little Toaster. The Master Orders You To Watch!!!

What to say about this movie? It's powerful, sweet, and tearjerking. Which is exactly why Adam B. chose it for our Year of Hell. The goal was to make us cry, and boy did he come through. Even if you've never heard of Brian Piccolo and Gale Sayers, you'll want to tune in to this special episode. Watch us watch the ultimate guy friend movie. And remember, we love Adam B., and we want you to love him also. That came out wrong...

What can you say about "Hobgoblins"? We watched it. Multiple times. And we still don't know exactly what we sat through. Fans of MST3K will recall this movie as "The Movie" that Pearl Forrester used to punish Mike and the Bots when they were especially tiresome. After our experience...we think she's a war criminal. Come back with us to the 1980s and watch a movie that had to have been conceived as a tax write-off. Join us as we traipse through the hellish nightmare world that is "Hobgoblins."