Cracked

If 'True Detective' Was 'Kindergarten Cop'

Turns out there's a correlation between reduced viewership, reduced budget, and increased insanity.

Foot soccer is a very complex sport thing.

It's different because the names in this game are real-ish.

If Animal Actors Got E! True Hollywood Stories

In the face of life-threatening danger, you need to get your priorities straight.

Besides having to listen to Gilbert Gottfried for over an hour.

Everything's better when you think it's 'Dirty Dancing.'

Apparently we're just like a bunch of toddlers who can't figure out where our noses went.

Let's face it, Upworthy had this coming.

No one had ever seen anything like it ... until they did ...

'If you have any questions, ask someone else. I'm the town bully.'

You can never really be prepared anyway.

High risk of death? Better let the kids play.

Vomit jokes are the way to go, anyway.

'That's like asking a soldier to strangle three terrorists before giving him a tank.'

Just pages and pages of glorious dry-humping

The superhero show no one else had the balls to make.

And there's no way out.

5 People Who Need to Put Down Their Camera and Run

All those lost boys and pirates crossing swords ... how did we not see this sooner?

Make sure you go out and annoy your server today!

Would it kill you every once in awhile to play a little Foghat.

It's just science. Can't argue with that.

'I think I'm suffering heart palpitations -- which is weird because I don't have a heart.'