Bill Whittle: Conservative Opinion | Humor

Some of our elderly viewers may remember Hillary Clinton: she was the woman who had her butt handed to her during the 2016 Presidential debates by Donald Trump. Well, you’ll be pleased to know she has some absolutely bipartisan, completely fair, deeply insightful deep insights on how to debate both people who went on to become actual presidents. Also, her new book cover looks like a four-dollar anime filter for TikTok. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

Archeologists have recently unearthed a mass burial site at the Mayan city of Chichen Itza, consisting of scores of young children — all of them boys. That human sacrifice is repulsive, abhorrent and just plain evil SHOULD be something every decent person can agree upon… but Progressives, as usual, are there with an EXPLANATION of why our oppressive, white supremacist, colonial blinders allow us to pass such judgements. Death had an entirely different meaning to the Mayans, they helpfully explain. No doubt the boys in the pit were fighting to get to the head of the line. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

Quoth Steve’s intro: ‘Guess how many homes you can wire with high-speed internet for the low, low price of just $42 billion dollars?’ Answer to date: ZERO. Color us shocked. SHOCKED! Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

The Biden administration rushes to America’s rescue by pressing for the removal of medical-related debt from a consumer’s credit score. Kind of makes sense, for a change: no one frivolously puts takes out a $60k loan for a kidney problem. The problem is, most credit reporting agencies buckled to pressure from the Biden administration many years before there even was a Biden administration. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

It’s a cold, sad day on Martha’s Vineyard, man… all that water and no reefer! It takes the power of a $5 Trillion government to find a way to make sure it’s not possible to grow a WEED. It's a total bummer, dude. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

It was the beast of times; it was the wurst of times… In one corner, ladies and gentlemen, Senator John Fetterman, who, we are genuinely pleased to say, seems to remaking great strides in recovering from his debilitating stroke that had made his campaign seem like a farce and also an act of great cruelty. It turns out, the more brain function he recovers, the more conservative he’s become. Awkward… And in the other corner, there seems to be a malfunctioning animatronic over at the Panderers of the Caribbean ride… Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

During D-Day operations in World War II, British and American engineers constructed two completely artificial HARBORS, the remains of which can be seen to this day. Meanwhile, in Gaza, an immensely richer and more powerful United States Military cannot build a simple PIER without it (in the immortal words of Monty Python) burning down, falling over and sinking into the swamp. Not a good look for a Superpower. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

‘…And the Plasma’s Red Glare / The Blobs Melting in Air / Gave Proof Through the Flight / That Our Flap Was Still There…’ A mere 24 hours after Boeing’s Starliner managed to wheeze itself to the International Space Station (and as of this writing there is some doubt as to whether or not it can wheeze its way home again), SpaceX’s Starship manages to make two successful, controlled, soft-landings and one of them was MELTING BEFORE OUR EYES and still managed to pull it off! Remember that moment, boys and girls, when people ask you why you think private business can do things better than The State. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

People are unhappy, and Team Biden doesn’t understand why: inflation rates have been going down for almost a year! The problem is that people aren’t comparing what their wallet looks like now compared to a year ago; they’re comparing what their wallet looks like now to what it looked like FOUR years ago. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

Here’s Bill’s three-step prediction: 1. Even something as impersonal as Google search results can tilt, and have tilted, an election. 2. The new Chat-GPT 4.0 AI ‘companion’ communicates with young people as if with a close friend, remembers the conversation, asks about their welfare, and so on. 3. Combined with the ability to create (or copy from real life) virtual characters indistinguishable from real people, an entire generation will grow up with DBF’s (Digital Best Friends) that will subtly but powerfully tell them who and what to vote for. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

Scott brings us surprising (to some) news: contrary to Official Facts, the number of people actually dying from natural disasters over the past 120 years is not rising at all: as a matter of act, it has plummeted. So fire up those SUVs and eat more beef! Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

A great evil is loose upon the land! The Eye of Microsoft, which has long cast its fiery gaze on all of your data, introduces a new feature called ‘Recall,’ which will take a screen capture of everything you do every few seconds. “This way you will never forget anything!” claims Microsoft… and, of course, neither will they. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

Meet the Manta Ray: it’s unmanned, it’s huge, and it can remain on station for months at depths no manned submersible could ever hope to achieve. Meanwhile, in the air, multiple ‘loyal wingman’ drones accompany manned stealth fighters and are put into harm’s way in place of an irreplaceable human life. This new generation of autonomous, unmanned vehicles occupies the bleeding edge of the next Revolution in Military Affairs. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

Big Tech and the Biden White House are just two separate ends of the same data cable. If the White House discovers something it doesn’t think fits the narrative, a polite phone call is made and the offending book or article simply disappears. None dare call it GOVERNMENT CENSORSHIP, but that’s exactly what it is and it is endemic. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

Remember those doomsday predictions about human population numbers spelling the end for Civilization As We Know It? It’s starting to look like they were right for the wrong reason: the world is facing not a baby boom but a planet-wide BABY BUST, the dire consequences of which are only now beginning to become apparent. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

It’s easy for those of us who graduated (or at least attended) a college or university in more civilized times to look at the nationwide pro-Hamas demonstrations and simply say that the devil can take everyone on campus. But the huge majority of students attending these hotbeds of insanity have nothing to do with the violence and mayhem… although the violence and mayhem has something to do with THEM. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

Disney has spent enormous amounts of time and money in order to ruin what was arguably the most beloved brand in the history of entertainment. Now Steve Green brings us a report that Disney not only miraculously managed to LOSE MONEY on STAR WARS: they also shaded the numbers in their financial reports. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

Bill’s Alma Mater, the University of Florida, has taken a decidedly anti-Columbia stance toward the wave of campus unrest spreading across the nation. It has issued a clearly-worded memorandum of what will and will not be tolerated, and best of all — mirabile dictu! — it has real teeth when it comes to enforcement: a 3 YEAR SUSPENSION for students and IMMEDIATE TERMINATION for prog-fessors! Who knew restoring order could be so easy… except for every conservative in the country, obviously? Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

Have they hit bottom yet? Nah, not by a long shot. Unhappy with their limited success at turning Thanksgiving and Christmas into Liberal Hectoring Sessions, the Biden administration has decided to try and co-opt Only Fans camgirls to help spread The Miracle of Bidenomics message, with results ranging from the pathetic to the hilarious. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

All people of conscience can agree that legally discriminating against someone based on their skin color is morally wrong — that’s why it’s against the law. But what about private discrimination? For example, does a 501(c)(3) have a right to distribute private donations based on race? Scott Ott has the details. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

Nothing has done more damage to Millennials and Get Zers than ‘The Self-Esteem Movement:’ the insane belief that you praise someone first and do the work second. It has created two generations of young Americans who, in the main, are utterly convinced that they are amazing at everything. You can’t hope to get any better at something if you are taught from birth that you began at the top, and so Simon Cowell is not simply the mean guy on the talent-show panel: he is an avatar for a quaint but fading concept called THE TRUTH. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

For many of us old-timers, the idea of students on cell phones in the middle of class is nearly unthinkable: PAY ATTENTION, ADDISON! It’s not surprising that when a school recently tried the idea of banning cell phones from class it caused an uproar. It IS surprising that the protests didn’t come from the students… it came from their PARENTS. Scott Ott has the details. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

Confusing the FAR SIDE of the moon with the DARK SIDE of the moon is the most elementary mistake a Junior Space Cadet can make: primarily because there is NO SUCH THING as ‘the Dark Side of the Moon.’ However, NASA administrator Bill Nelson recently made this fundamental mistake, and a few moments later, elaborated on why NASA has no plans to explore the Dark Side of the Moon, the primary reason being that it’s dark all the time. A former Astronaut, Bill Nelson is 81 years old: just the sort of far-seeing, bleeding-edge dynamo America needs to head it’s space program. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

In The Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien bestowed the name ‘Anduril’ on the sword of Aragorn in his fight against darkness and evil. ‘Anduril,’ wrote Tolkien, can be translated from Elvish as ‘The Flame of the West.’ It’s no coincidence that a new, start-up defense company also calls itself Anduril; but as Bill points out, the real Flame of the West is much deeper and more profound than mere weaponry. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/