Do you install stairlifts?

Do you install stairlifts?

**Title:** *“The Case of the $100 Stairlift”*
**Format:** Witty Two-Person Dialogue
**Characters:**
- **Detective Chinatown** – Street-smart, dry humor, knows every basement in the city
- **Sherlock** – Razor-sharp logic, slightly dramatic, obsessed with torque specs and IEEE standards

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**[Scene: A dimly lit garage. A stairlift sits halfway up a concrete staircase. Sherlock inspects a loose bolt with a digital torque meter. Detective Chinatown sips coffee from a paper cup labeled “TSSA – Do Not Touch.”]**

**Detective Chinatown:**
Sherlock, I’ve seen murder scenes cleaner than this installation. You telling me someone got paid *a hundred bucks* to do this?

**Sherlock:**
Precisely, Detective. One hundred U.S. dollars. Not even enough to cover gas, let alone a calibrated torque wrench or a GFCI tester. And yet—here we are. Bolt torque: 12 inch-pounds. Required spec? 45. That’s not installation. That’s Russian roulette with a senior citizen.

**Detective Chinatown:**
And no GFCI in a basement? In Ontario? That’s like serving raw chicken at a nursing home potluck—illegal *and* wildly inconsiderate.

**Sherlock:**
Worse. The National Electrical Code—Section 210.8—explicitly mandates GFCI protection in basements and garages. This outlet? Straight to a 15-amp breaker. One spilled coffee, one frayed wire… and suddenly, Acorn’s “affordable install” becomes a wrongful death suit with a $3.2 million verdict.

**Detective Chinatown:**
I read that Ohio case. Installer got nailed for 70% of the damages. Said he was “rushed.” But courts don’t care if your boss texts you “HURRY UP” while you’re balancing on a step stool with a stripped screwdriver.

**Sherlock:**
Ah! But here’s the twist, Detective. Under Canadian law—specifically Section 217.1 of the *Criminal Code*—if you *know* a dangerous condition exists and fail to act, you could be criminally liable. Remember *R. v. Metron Construction*? Men went to prison for not reporting unsafe scaffolding. Stairlifts carry the same duty of care.

**Detective Chinatown:**
So… if I’m Rob from “Worldwide Stairlift Repairs,” and I keep finding bolts hand-tightened like they’re closing a pickle jar… do I gotta call the cops?

**Sherlock:**
Not the police—first, the Technical Standards and Safety Authority. Document everything. Photos. Resistance readings. Torque logs. Then notify Acorn or Bruno® in writing: *“Your installer violated IEEE 141 and NEC 210.8.”* That paper trail? It’s your alibi… and your armor.

**Detective Chinatown:**
Meanwhile, the guy who took the $100 gig is out here using a butter knife as a terminal screwdriver.

**Sherlock:**
Tragic. And avoidable. If Acorn pays so little they force you to supply your own van, tools, and hope… they’ve misclassified you as a contractor to dodge liability. The U.S. Department of Labor has fined them before. You’re not “independent”—you’re exploited. And exploited workers cut corners. Corners kill.

**Detective Chinatown:**
So what’s an honest installer to do?

**Sherlock:**
Three things:
One—refuse unsafe work. OSHA and provincial laws protect you.
Two—use a checklist. “GFCI tested? Torque verified? Resistance under 0.25 ohms?” Get the client to sign it.
Three—if your boss says “Just make it work,” reply: *“I’d love to… but my lawyer says no.”*

**Detective Chinatown:**
*[chuckles]*
Ain’t that the truth. So next time someone offers you a C-note to slap a stairlift on a damp concrete wall… remember:
That’s not a job.
It’s a subpoena waiting to happen.

**Sherlock:**
Precisely. Because in the courtroom, they won’t ask how fast you installed it.
They’ll ask: *“Did you know it was dangerous… and did nothing?”*
And silence, Detective… doesn’t torque to spec.

**[Fade out. Distant sound of a stairlift beeping—then sputtering.]**

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#StairliftNoir
#TorqueOrJail
#GFCIorGTFO
#AcornAudit
#BrunoBeware
#100BucksNotWorthIt
#InstallersUnite
#NECCompliance
#CriminalNegligence
#PaperTrailSavesLives
#SeniorSafetyFirst
#DontBeTheGuy
#LiabilityLurks
#StairliftSherlock
#KnowTheCodeOrGoToCourt