Under Pressure Washing

Scene: Joe Gives Jack the Hard Sell

Location: East Van. Jack is sipping lukewarm coffee outside his rusty pickup, a pressure washer humming in the back. Joe struts up, holding a tablet in one hand, a laminated mockup of a business card in the other.

JOE:
Jack. My man. I’ve been watching you blast mold off stucco like a boss. But you’re invisible online. That’s money evaporating into the ether. You need a presence. You need joesites.biz.

JACK:
(raising an eyebrow)
I got a Facebook page, Joe.

JOE:
Facebook? That’s like handing out business cards at a funeral. I’m talkin’ full-spectrum domination. WordPress. Your own domain. Custom email. SEO. Mobile-optimized. Dark mode. Light mode. God mode.

JACK:
(sips coffee)
How much?

JOE:
A website? $300 upfront, $20 a month. Hosting, security, updates—handled. Plus, I throw in a Photoshopped business card so slick it’ll make your competitors cry in their tool belts.

(holds up a sample card)

Boom. Look at that.
“Jack’s Pressure Pros. We Clean. You Shine.”
High-res photo of you, flexing with the wand, lightning behind you like Zeus of East Van.

JACK:
That’s not even me.

JOE:
It’s better than you. It’s aspirational. You hand this to a housewife in Kits, she’s calling before you say “pressure washer.” It’s marketing judo, Jack.

JACK:
What if I say no?

JOE:
Then you stay the ghost of Commercial Drive, while I hand your competitors the same lightning and thunder. You want to win, or you want to wash sidewalks until your back gives out?

JACK:
(frowning)
...Can you make the card say “We’ll Blast Your Gunk Off”?

JOE:
Now you’re speaking my language. Let’s get you online, Jack.

Joe taps on his tablet. A loading bar spins. Somewhere in the cloud, Jack’s future begins to upload.