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The Battlecry of the Fellowship
A message from the Iron Age to Legacy Entertainment,
Courtesy of Captain Garrett and The Honorable Fellowship.
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4
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Nolan vs. Nolan: Oppenheimer Review NO Spoilers
Has Nolan written and directed the greatest film of the century? Or has Nolan prevented Nolan from writing and directing the greatest film of the century? Captain Garrett's no-spoiler review.
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Nolan vs Nolan: Oppenheimer no-spoiler review | Secret Invasion ratings collapse | Captains Cast #23
Nolan vs. Nolan: Oppenheimer is a triumph as conflicted as its title character. NO-SPOILER review. Also, Captain Garrett ranks all Christopher Nolan films. Secret Invasion ratings CATASTROPHE. Barbie is not made for captains. Captain's Cast #23
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207
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Mission Impossible shaky & Sound of Freedom CRUSHING | Oppenheimer Rises | Captain's Cast #22
Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning is a little shaky and Sound of Freedom is CRUSHING the box office. Disney Acolyte CRINGE. Oppenheimer is going to "blow the hinges off". Captain Garrett reacts to new trailers for Godzilla and more! The Captain's Cast #22
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The Captain's Cast with Captain Garrett on Swords and Starships Channel is your premiere livestream for all things sci-fi, fantasy, and historical entertainment.
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146
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Mission Impossible 7 is a Summer Blockbuster Masterclass
Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning Part One just provided an action film masterclass and saved Hollywood's ass. Again.
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Indiana Jones & Failed Filmmakers Beg for Forgiveness
Now that Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Captain Picard, Boba Fett, Nick Fury, Thor, Hulk, Willow, The Witcher, and Indiana Jones have been destroyed, failed filmmakers want forgiveness from the fans they hate...
Not until they mean it.
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6
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The Lying Media REEEE over Sound of Freedom
An apolitical movie succeeds in raising awareness about child slavery. The media are deeply offended.
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Sound of Freedom | Sober, Haunting, Brilliant | Captain's Review
To the chagrin of the deranged media attacking it, Sound of Freedom is a brilliant piece of filmmaking without the faintest hint of the conspiratorial or fanciful. It is a film all of us should see. Captain Garrett reviews.
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8
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Kathleen Kennedy Fired?! | Media Shills in Denial
After the disastrous failure of Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny, rumors abound of Kathleen Kennedy getting fired. Meanwhile, shill media interviewers heap phony praise on a failed film
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4
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Sound of Freedom HUMILIATES Indiana Jones 5 | Wokies REEEE!
As the sun rises and sets, if there is a film about a moral man fighting to save children from slavery, the Woke will be pissed about it. Especially when Sound of Freedom DEFEATS Indiana Jones and the Dial of Dysentery at the box office on none other than INDEPENDENCE DAY!
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6
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Secret Invasion COPE | NOT WORTH Easter Egg Theories
Marvel Easter Egg hunter copes hard trying to find clues in Secret Invasion, unaware that there's not actually anything happening in the show.
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4
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Secret Invasion is Shameful Trash
Samuel L Jackson should be ashamed of his participation in the destruction of his once proud and powerful character and the further division of fandom.
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Phoebe Waller Forehead Plays a Psychopath | Indiana 5 REVIEW Pt 1
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny should be Indy's "Golden Fleece" hero's quest. Instead, his sad drunken loser life is interrupted by a sociopathic treasure thief who leaves him for dead. Part 1 of my Indiana 5 Review.
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11
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Captain's Log #6: Indiana Jones 5 CRUSHED in the reviews!
Captain's Log #6: We have detected strange transmissions from Rotten Tomatoes indicating a possible disaster for Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. Readings from the Cannes film festival a month before film's release suggest the rich legacy of Harrison Ford's iconic character faces total subversion and deconstruction. Altering course to intercept and deploy mockery.
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Captain's Log #4 | Mandalorian Descends into Cartoon Villain Farce | S3 E7
Captain's Log: Our intrepid crew received a distress call from Din Jarin on assignment on Mandalor, where cartoon villains played by A-list actors were subjecting him to mental torture through exposition dumping monologues. The chances of rescue remain in doubt.
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Captain's Log #3: Mando Encounters a Small Moon
Captain's Log: Upon arriving in Mandalorian Season 3 Episode 6, sensors detected unusually high readings of pastels, predictable plots, and gaming-style fetch quests. Our best guess is that much of the readings are emanating from a large planetary body--possibly a small moon. I've ordered the helm to take us in for a closer look...
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Captain's Log #2 Miles Morales is Miles Morales--and a Mommy's Boy
Captain's Log: On assignment to watch films for the Captain's Cast, I found myself subjected to torture by inane trailers, including the new Miles Morales trailer and his subsequent infantilization, feminization, and aggrandizement by his helicopter mommy.
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Captain's Log #1: (SPOILERS) Mandalorians Go Camping; Hilarity Ensues
Captain's Log: (SPOILERS) On our recent mission to explore the last best hope for Star Wars survival, The Mandalorian Season 3, we encountered a series of indestructible monsters exactly where we should have expected them to be--and set our phasers to meme!
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John Wick 4 REACTION | NO Spoilers | The Action Film of the Decade
NO spoilers. In a world of algorithm storytelling and CGI bloat, the meticulous craftsmanship and killer work ethic of its filmmakers elevate John Wick Chapter 4 to one of the best action films of the decade. Relentless, Irreverant, and R-rated. Are you ready? I'm thinkin YEAHhhhhhh...
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3
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Star Trek Picard Season 3 REVIEW | Picard is a LEADER Again | S3E3&4
WARNING: THIS IS A SPOILER REVIEW
After years of humiliation and deconstruction at the hands of Kurtzman-Trek, Jean-Luc Picard takes the captain's chair once more. In the best apology fans of a destroyed franchise can ever hope to get, episodes 3 & 4 of Picard Season 3 restore the leader we once knew. Captain Garrett reviews.
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2
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Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves Trailer Reaction - More Hollywoke Nerd-Face Normie Nip
Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves is Hollywood's latest thinly-veiled vehicle designed, intentionally or inadvertently, to humiliate nerds and lampoon yet another fictional world they care about. More CGI vomit, village idiot characters, and modern California accents. My reaction to the trailers.
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Hat Tip:
Artist Pablo Fernandez: www.artstation.com/pablofernandez
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Entitled Ant-Man Quantumania Writer Cries to the Shill Media
Ant-Man Quantumania Writer Jeff Loveness, rather than own his part in the defacing of yet another Marvel IP, cries on the shoulder of the fake, shill media. Maybe get a few more credits to your name other than "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" before writing Avengers movies? The Captain dispenses a dose of reality to this deluded "scribe."
Hat tip:
Stephen Pressfield, author of the War of Art
Correction: "Nobody Wants to Read Your Sh**T" is his other book, which I incorrectly called "No One Wants to..."
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3
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The Mandalorian Season 3 Premiere Review - A Boring Side Quest
Disney's last best hope for their ailing Star Wars franchise debuts with a whimper--a bland, boring series of "and then this happened's". Is THIS the way? My full review of Mando Season 3 Episode 1.
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4
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Ant-Man & the Wasp Quantumania: A Quantum-Manic CGI Blender -- Review
In Ant-Man & the Wasp: Quantumania, the moribund MCU trades a clever small-scale heist hero and Lovecraftian dread for a Jackson Pollock painting of CGI nonsense and painfully unfunny jokes. My review.
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15
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Picard Season 3 Episode 2: Title character Picard becomes the main character -- Review
For the first time in the entire Star Trek Picard series, against all odds, in what I would consider Terry Matalas' second qualifying miracle for sainthood, Admiral Jean-Luc Picard takes command of a starship. It only took 3 seasons. My review of Star Trek Picard Season 3 Episode 2 "Disengage."
Hat Tip:
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